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Friday, January 28, 2011

Aren't We On The Same Team?

None of us are perfect, none of our husbands are perfect, and as much as we hate to admit it,, none of our kids are perfect. My question today is, again, why do some of us feel like everyone else has to think that we are?

Maybe you are one of of "these" women,(sorry!) maybe you know one a few. You know, the type that whenever asked how things are, how they are, their response is "GREAT!". They look like they've been hit by a bus, yet everything is "GREAT"!
We could ask something like "How has your husband been with the helping out now that things are calming down"? Response being "He's just amazing!".
Or what about the mommies who "yell" at their children with a calm, quiet, perfect tone and a smile on their face? The ones who would NEVER raise their voice even a little bit, to their child?
Sometimes everything is great,but who doesn't have bad days? Hell, who doesn't have bad MONTHS? Why do so many women think that they have to "appear" to be perfect?

I realize that if a complete stranger, or say your grandma was to ask, it's simply easier to say "perfect or great". My problem is when it's your friend asking, or another mommy! Why aren't we truthful with each other, why don't we use each other as support, as someone to lean on?


According to a Neumums survey of about 5,000 moms, many parents are less than truthful when it comes to chatting with other moms. Here are some of their lies:

According to a Netmums survey of about 5,000 moms, many parents are less than truthful when it comes to chatting with other moms. Here are some of their lies:

* They say they are coping well, but 69 percent were less than truthful.
* They say they are coping financially, but 46 percent were less than truthful.
* They claim to spend more time with their kids than they do (20.6 percent).
* They say their kids watch less TV than they do (23 percent).
* They lie about their child's great appetite (17 percent)
* And finally, 13 percent say they are having more sex than they are. 

Does this seem crazy to anyone else? I mean, sure, maybe I'm a little too open sometimes. I figure though, if my girlfriend asks how things are going, she cares. She wants to know She's going to hear!! Besides, she's another mommy, maybe she can give me some advice or suggestions. Maybe she can relate. Maybe I will even make her feel better!
Do you think that we as women are afraid to show our weakness first?  Maybe we don't want to be the first to admit that this isn't what we thought we signed up for? That some days we just want to throw in the towel? That parenting is hard!!!!
Again, it probably all goes back to guilt, and looking weak. Do I look weak if I admit it? OR... are the ones that CAN'T admit it the weak ones?? I'm sure everyone views it differently.

One thing I do know though, is that the moms that present themselves as "Having it all together", and that have these "Perfect Lives", do a really great job at making me feel even worse than I already did.  And truthfully, it makes me not want to be around them. When I finally get some time away or out, I don't want to be surrounded with smiling, perfectly happy mommies with no care in the world.Not that I want to be around someone miserable,, just someone who is "real"! Perfect people just make me feel like I have to be the same, like I have to compete... unfortunately, that's just not me!

Is that what motherhood/friendships have turned into? A competition?? If so,, it's a game I'm not willing to pay. That is after all why I am on here. To "confess my sins", to "admit my imperfections".
Cheers to all of you out there that are like me! (HA! I make myself sound so perfect. Good thing you all know the truth!) To all of you "perfect" mommies out there,, we love you too, but hopefully after reading this, you will find it in yourself to start be a little less "Perfect", for the sake of the rest of us!!

Thanks in Have a great weekend ladies!
BRAD PAISLEY HERE I COME!!! I'll touch base on the weekend!!


Anonymous said...

*Sigh*....If anyone is hard on themselves...or knows they are not perfect, my goodness...I think I'm first in line...I've always been this way. On the same hand, if I wasn't "me", and I was on the outside looking in, I can see myself appearing to be an arrogant woman...I mean, I jokingly refer to myself as SUPERMOM....In my own defence, everyone who knows me knows I am brutally sarcastic...and quite frankly, kind of hilarious! (LOL)...all joking aside tho', I really hope no one (especially you, S!) think that I am bragging!!! I am NOT supermom...because Supermom doesnt exist!! lol...that's what makes it hilarious in my mind. Example: Ill say things like: "I'm tired of being so awesome!" WHen yes, i'm great...but awesome?! It's all in good humour! And in terms of posting pictures...that's another area that may be perceived as me bragging---having the perfect life...I can assure you that if doing crafts at the kitchen table equals having the perfect life...mine would be right on up there!! ;)I enjoy taking pictures of the little activities I do with my boys during the day but I certainly hope I dont make anyone feel badly if they dont do the same (whether its the taking pictures part or the craft/park/etc. part). It's just how I am...

S, I reaaaally hope I'm not one of those women you are referring to!!! You know me...I'm as REAL as they come...I call a spade a spade...I'll drink wine from a mug...I wear fluffy socks and my husbands shoes to bring in the trash, lol....I shop at Giant Tiger...It's "how I roll" as I say....

I am not Supermom..I am ME! I was actually kind of embarrassed when a friend of mine drew me as SuperMom (he's an amazing artist) but I thought omg, i wish he had have just done a REGULAR do you tell someone that though??!!! And I wanted to show respect so I profiled it for a week...but again...if anyone is their worst critic...i think i'm right up their! I'm trying to work on that but it wont happen sure would be nice if it could tho!!

Have an awesome weekend!! xxoo

Anonymous said...

eww...just realized I wrote "their" instead of "there" in the last paragraph! oops!!

Angela said...

OH, you sooo get it!!! I compare myself to other mom's all the time. Usually it's my sister in law's.....who are so bloody PERFECT! LOL! I love them to death and it's not that they wouldn't say that they aren't perfect and struggle with all the same issues, but they just don't BITCH!! And I need to BITCH!!! So, I find myself often just saying all the right things and trying to do all of the right things. But I think we all need an outlet! I'm not perfect and I'm not afraid to admit it.....but you're right, by being so perfect it DOES make it HARDER for the rest of us to TRY to keep up!! So WHY do we try??? I don't know!! But we do!! Perfect should be just making it through the day, the weeks, the months......let alone all the little extras. I find myself already stressing about what the 'theme' of my daughter's first birthday party will be! oh well, really.....all I can be is me. Maybe they do what they do because it makes them happy, and all I can do is just whatever it is I can to be happy too! And perhaps it gets easier....
Hope you have fun at your concert!! ENJOY!

Anonymous said...

I just posted this on Facebook, but since it's related so closely to this blog, I wanted to share it. This sums up my thoughts on perfection, completely:

~One who has the courage to admit to not being perfect themselves is at the epitome of perfection in my eyes~


Sarah said...

I hope that I wasn't misunderstood! It's not the "good" mommies that bother me. It's not the people who do fun things with their children, or take lots of pictures. I envy those moms. I wish that I had more energy to be like them.
It's the moms who put on the fake smile, who never complain, who look at those of us who complain like we have 3 heads.. The ones who's lives are "just" perfect!!!
It's so tough to be around them.. like why can't we just discuss how hard this process is for once and not how much you "LOVE" motherhood!!!
That's my point. I get it, some people just aren't complainers,, but the perfect act could still go!!

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