"Ah, motherhood - This is fun, right??
What makes us a good mom? What makes us a good wife??
I'm sure we could ask 100 different people of different ages, backgrounds, sex, and we would never get the same answer.
So, where do we get all of our ideas or "beliefs" of what a good mom/wife is? Is it something that we learned from our own childhoods, a belief that has grown with us? Is it something we see on TV, something we read in books, or is it something that society has done to us? Maybe it's a little of all of these things combined?
For me, it is definitely society. I look at my girlfriends, I read about people on Facebook, all of the great meals they are cooking, fun things they are doing with their kids, looking at pictures or reading status'. Everyone else's life looks so darn perfect!
After seeing/reading/watching all of this,, I feel like I have to keep up with everyone. Gosh, some of you even make me feel like I must be neglecting my children! Thanks for that! lol
I didn't take my girls to the park this week/month, didn't have a play date! Oh my gosh, I didn't do any crafts this week and I forgot to read them a book at bedtime!! I look at all of you moms doing this stuff, and I feel like I just can't keep up! Some days, we have lots of fun, doing fun things, but I just don't have it in me every single day.
I stumbled across this book in Chapters before Christmas. BREAKING THE GOOD MOM MYTH by ALYSON SCHAFER. I think that every one of you should go buy it, or get it from the library. She talks about so many of the issues that I have already mentioned, and more. She lists so many of the common "myths" that people believe make a good mommy.
Myth#1~ Self-Care is Selfish
Myth#2~My Children are a Reflection of Me
Myth#3~My Marriage Can Wait
Myth#4~Good Mothers are All-Caring and All-Protecting
Myth#5~Good Mothers are in Control
Myth#6~Good Mothers Manage Sibling Conflict
Myth#7~Only the Best Education for My Child
Myth#8~Good Mothers Make Life Fun and Entertaining
I could go on an on about each chapter and each myth, but I think it is something that everyone has to read for themselves. My favourite Myths are #'s 1,3, and 8
Self Care is Selfish~ The author gives us an awesome example from the airlines: Put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others. Makes sense! You can't take care of your children or anyone for that matter, if you don't take care of yourself. So,, self-care is definitely not selfish!!
This is so true and I think that so many of us forget it. Why do we feel like we can't run out for a haircut, or enjoy a pedicure? Why do we feel bad if we feel like we need a night away?? Why do we put off girls nights??? Guilt, Guilt, Guilt!! What a horrible emotion!
My Marriage Can Wait~ This is a great chapter as well. The author states that we all seem to make the mistake of thinking that our marriages are made of Titanium. That marriages will withstand the neglect that comes with raising children. Without work though,, unfortunately divorce rates prove that they won't. She states that we all need to make sure to make time for our marriages/husbands.Even if it is just 5 minutes a day, to laugh, cuddle. Make sure to talk about something other than the kids (Is it possible??)... Try to make the laundry wait, making lunches can wait.. sit on the couch and cuddle... take a week vacation once a year WITHOUT the kids (YIKES!), the kids will thank us for it later!! A happy, loving marriage produces happy, loving children!! Wow! So true!(I personally have never thought of it this way before) I'm booking a weekend away for my hubby and I in the next couple of weeks, I can't wait. I'll miss the girls, but i know that they'll be just fine when I get home. It will probably even do them some good to be away from mommy!
Good Mothers Make Life Fun and Entertaining!~ This is the one that I seem to struggle with the most.. I'm just not a "Mom Fun Factory",, I don't act as "Mom-u-tainment" (as it is referred to in the book).. I feel bad almost every day that I'm not doing more with my kids. At the end of the day though, they're happy, they can entertain themselves,they don't seem to mind, and they really don't bore easily.
Is that me trying to justify being a boring mommy??
My favourite line in the book is ~ Boredom is beautiful- Don't rescue them!!
She says ~ long gone are the days when moms kicked their kids out of the house, telling them to go play with the pine cones in the backyard.... I know a lot of our kids are too young to do that with, but the point is there. We don't always have to keep them busy, we don't constantly have to be entertaining them. Sure its nice to do fun things with them, but it doesn't have to be every single day, or every single hour.
I read this,I take it all in and I know that it is all true, yet I still feel bad about everything I DON'T do with the girls.
The guilt that goes along with being a mommy is crazy.. they say it gets easier as you go,, but I'm not convinced of that.
I don't try to sell much, but this book has really opened my eyes to a lot of things. I hope some of you check it out.
I am curious to hear from you ladies. What are your opinions on why we put these high expectations on ourselves? Where do they come from? Am I the only one that is so hard on myself? Am I the only one that feels like I have to live up to these Myths that make me a perfect mom??
Have a good night ladies,,, hopefully we can all let our kids experience some "boredom" tonight and take a few minutes to enjoy the men in our lives!! I'm going out for dinner with a girlfriend (2x in one week and I don't feel bad!!!)
Should we talk about men tomorrow, or should I wait until Monday so that we don't hate them all weekend??! lol