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Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Giving this a try!

I yelled (loudly) at my kids yesterday...and, come to think of it today as well! They had macaroni for lunch, pizza pops for dinner and I didn't take them anywhere nor did we have a play date. My laundry is piled up, my husband made dinner, and I'm way too tired to even think about him touching me.It almost sounds funny when I read this, but as I live it, it definitely doesn't seem funny!

 Am I a bad mom? Am I a bad wife?? I must be!!

Day after day, I struggle with these questions. Some people may answer yes to these questions. They might think that I'm a bad mom, a bad wife. Really, I guess that is my fear. What everyone else thinks. Maybe they just think I'm crazy!
The more I think about it all, and worry about it, the more that I look at the laundry piling up, the dust on the table, the worse I feel, the more I start beating myself up.What a horrible feeling! Some days I don't care, others, it takes over everything that I am. I sit and wonder : Am I depressed? Is it hormones? Am I just plain lazy? I mean really, I'm home every day, why can't I accomplish these things? It shouldn't be so hard......... right?
Every other mother I see or come into contact with always seems to "have it together", I can never figure out where I'm going wrong.
Don't get me wrong,, It's not like I hate my life, or that I don't enjoy being a mom. It's not that I don't love my kids and my husband more than anything in this world. Some days though, are just so overwhelming, so hard, so tiring! Add on things like weight, money, or husbands that "just don't get it" and boom! Here I am, typing a blog as some sort of self healing! LOL

I recently started opening up. I started to tell more people about some of these things, and I couldn't believe it. I'm NOT alone.. so many other REALLY AMAZING mommies have all of the same feelings and issues as I do. Ha, some are even worse!!  A lot of them are even the mommies who "have it together"!!!! HALLELUJAH!!!!! 
I knew they couldn't be as perfect as they seem!! HA!

 Someone (someone very smart) a few months ago, told me that so many moms are considered, "Silent Sufferers". It makes sense really.We keep all of these feelings to ourselves. Why? Because, who wants to admit that they are anything less than perfect?  This is the life that we signed up for, the life that we so desperately wanted to live??  And now, we have the "nerve" to complain???  Instead,, we sit and suffer silently, holding it all inside!

I went out for dinner with "the girls" the other night. We all chatted, and vented about some of our "mommy issues", it was so refreshing to once again see that I am NOT alone! I went home feeling so good, wishing that I could do that every night. Talk to the girls over dinner every night? Wouldn't that be great? Obviously it isn't possible.

I thought about this a lot, all night. Still amazed that so many of us have all of these feelings, but yet have no way of getting them out. Thinking that all of us are SUFFERING with all of these feelings, SILENTLY! Sometimes,, a lot of the time, a girl just needs to VENT!
I then thought of the idea of creating this blog. Writing a blog for lots of amazing mommies to read, would not only give me the chance to vent and chat with the girls every day, but hopefully allow some of you to feel like you can chat and vent with me or lots of other mommies! Even if just 1 of you can relate to some of the things that I feel or go through,, hey, we'll help each other!

I'm no English major(obviously!), there will probably be lots of spelling, grammar, and paragraph mistakes, so please don't mind that. I'm sure that there will also be days that you think I'm crazy or disagree with what I might have to say. That is fine too. I love a good argument! The only thing I ask? Just please don't judge me. Please don't judge any of the mommies that leave comments or opinions. I'm doing this as fun, hoping to have some laughs, some fun, some debates and maybe even some tears with the girls. We're all in this together!
Please feel free to leave comments, and if any of you have a topic that you'd like me to touch on,, let me know, I'd be glad to.  Also feel free to share it with other mommies that you think may benefit from it.

I hope you enjoy! I'll try to be as open and honest as I can. I don't want to be a "silent sufferer" anymore. So,, like I said, you poor girls are just going to have to listen to me!
Maybe this won't take off, maybe it will, but I thought that I would give it a try. Especially because you're all cheaper than a shrink!!! HA!!!

Talk to you tomorrow for my first real blog. I think that I need to talk about a book that I am reading called "Breaking the Good Mom Myth :Every Moms Modern Guide to Getting Past Perfection, Regaining Sanity and Raising Great Kids". Wow, it's been quite the eye opener for me and I think everyone should read it!

Have a great night,


Kristin said...

Hi Sarah,
I think this is a great idea!~ And you're right, you're NOT ALONE. I always wonder why everyone else seems to get it, and sometimes I'm just behind the eight ball.

Just this morning, as I lay in bed for that last 5 minutes..(thinking about my MOM who would just be UP early, coffee made, relaxing...) rush into the washroom ...happy that I washed my hair yesterday so I don't have to today... go in to wake up my daughter so I can spend 10 minutes with her while I fight with her to get dressed, brush her teeth, and hair etc. This morning was unusually unpleasant with her crying the whole ten minutes...small fever and when I go to check the medicine cabinet...low and behold NO CHILDREN ADVIL/TYLENOL whatever..I mean really...WHAT MOTHER DOESN"T HAVE ANY CHILDREN sheepishly I go to the babysitter...ask her for meds ...drop my sick baby off and head off to work...because I'm pregnant, took a day off already this week and DON"T WANT TO LOOK BAD. I guess this is where the NO judging part would come in handy... Why do we worry about looking bad? at the end of the day.. My daughter was fine at the sitters...but I was left feeling torn. This mommy stuff is wonderful...but sometimes it's a bit hard too.....

Lindsay said...

Tears are filling my eyes as I sit and read your blog. Bravo for having the courage to write this and reach out to so many. It is true, why are we the silent sufferers? Why do we feel that things have to be perfect? As women, mothers, human beings we worry too much what others think making our expectations to high for ourselves. I too have found strength and comfort in talking to other's nice to know that we all feel the same.
Great job Sarah! I look forward in reading more!! LJ

SarahCrann said...

Kristin! Thanks for the chuckle! You sound just like me. Every Tuesday and Thursday I stay in bed until the very last second,, and then get up and act like a drill sergeant because Gracie has to get to school, and we're running late..I'm not a bit behind the eight ball, most days, I can't even see it!!! lol
I wish that I could stop caring about what others think, but I don't know if that is possible. I guess it's something we just have to work on.. maybe a possible blog subject??!!

Thanks Linds, I hope they weren't bad tears!! It took me a long time to find the courage to do this, but the thought of me being able to help even one other mother know that she "isn't alone" brought that courage out of me! I'm really excited about what the blog will bring, i hope you guys are too!

Victoria said...

Just wanted to say that we are all there at some point. And just when you think you have it all figured out, life throws a wrench in your plans and knocks you out. There have been so many days were I have yelled at my children (90% of it not being their fault at all, meary at the end of my rope and one small thing they set sets the temper off) then lay in bed all night thinking of how horrible of a parent I must be. So thanks so much for sharing your thoughts, I am sure it will prove inspirational / helpful to many Mommies out there.

Lindsay said...

Not bad tears...just hormonal, lack of sleep sympathetic tears!!! Isn't that normal for a mom too??lol

Anonymous said...

Sarah, good for you. I will take a step and admit that this time around I am suffering with PDD. My darkest day I realized that I wanted someone to either take me away or God forbid, take away the sweet angel that is my new son. When I realized it I broke down and went straight to my doctor. That instant love/bond I had with my son was gone and I was so afraid that it wasn't coming back. Not to mention that I spend all my time yelling at my older son for the simplest things like not walking up the stairs fast enough! But after being on meds for about a month now I am so happy to say that I am once again totally in love with my baby and while the yelling still occurs I'd like to think not as often and for now reason anymore.
You are not alone my dear, in fact I think you are one of the majority of mothers now a days. Sad but true. At least we all have each other!

Anonymous said...

I have never been more proud of you then I am at this very moment, this takes alot of courage from you.
I am currently pregnant as you already know so this will help me so much as this is my first child. I also share a step-son with my husband.
But I will say that sometimes women who don't have children also feel this way but instead of putting it out on the kids we put it put on our husbands and friends and other family, there are days I get so mad because I am working all the time and when I come home I feel like the house is a mess but yet I spend more time complaining about it then I do cleaning it. Then I wonder what is wrong with me like you had wrote I beat up on myself and wonder why I can't get it done when there was a time it was such a simple task. Then there are days I just don't want to get out of bed or do anything and then I feel bad about it. And it is sad but true I don't even want anyone to come to my house because something may be out of place and then they may judge me and my husband is so laid back and really doesn't care what anyone else thinks and all I do is stress. I have a great husband but I lose it on him way more then I should. None of us are perfect but that is because we are human. There is alot more pressure on a woman now then it was one time. Anyway I think you are a great mom Sarah as I have told you many times and if I was to die I would only be to glad to have you raising my child. I love you!! xoxoxo

Anonymous said...

oh ARE NOT ALONE!! you know prior to having children we take the labour classes, the breastfeeding classes the tour of the delivery rooms but where the hell are the classes for sleep deprivation? the class where it tells you that you will never again have a sparkling clean, organized and decluttered home? where is the class that says your man will DRIVE YOU CRAZY because he thinks that because he works OUTSIDE the home that that relieves him of all other duties? where is the class that says that you can love your children but if you don't get out of the house this minute, this second you will literally go crazy?? because if these classes were held I MISSED THEM! lol This is the hardest job I've ever had and I feel more than a little guilty that I am dying to get back to work outside the home. I feel guilty that I yelled at my 7 month old the other day (like geez he is only 7 months what really could he have done - nothing) I was just tired and lost my patience. I feel guilty that I tried to bribe my 2 year old daughter into a cookie when she had a complete meltdown at the library when really I just wanted to spank her bum - but that would make me a bad mom - wouldn't it? Man, I even felt guilty seeing all the people on the crazy street I live on shovelling their driveways 15 times a day - like how can I compete with that. I felt inadequate about the stupidest thing ever. Anyway now I am just rambling and the baby is crying but I love you and I love this and it's pretty cool. Heather xo

Sarah said...

WOW!! I was reading all of these comments this morning and tears were streaming down my face. I'm not sure what kind of tears they were, but you have all made me feel great.
So, now I am so proud of all of you for getting on here and opening up about all of things that I had such a hard time with. I am so happy that we now have each other to lean on every day. (but I'm taking weekends off!)I've only done two blogs and I have already benefited so much from it. I've realized that we're all in the same boat,even on days when I feel so alone.There is so much comfort in that.
I hope that you will all continue to read everyday and enjoy this process as much as I am. As long as i keep getting such a great response, i will keep going with my bitching!! lol
Erin! You are amazing my friend! Your strength to get on here and open up about your experience has blown me away. I had no clue! I wish that I could have done something more for you as a friend. Thanks for being so honest and for sharing your story, I'm sure that I am speaking for everyone when i say that!
xoxo to all of you

Kelly said...

Thanks Sarah for starting this blog! I am a new mom and when my son was only 3 weeks old he ended up in the hospital for 3 weeks since he contracted meningitis. It was the hardest and most emotional weeks of my life and I really don't know how I got through it. I am still not over it all and worry about him so much. It was hard enough being a NEW mom but to go through your baby getting really sick is unbelievable. He is REALLY healthy now.

This blog will really help me....

Sarah said...

Thank Kelly, I'm glad that you're enjoying the blog. Congratulations on the birth of your son.
When my first born was only 5 weeks old, she ended up in the hospital for a week with RSV. Although this wasn't nearly as serious as meningitis, I can relate to what you went through. It was the worst week of my life. I stayed pretty calm and together until we got home. Then, I fell apart. I really fell apart. I worried about her for months and months after that. She too was perfectly healthy after. Its not a fun thing for us mommies to go through, that is for sure.
I hope you enjoy the blog, and thanks again.

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