I yelled (loudly) at my kids yesterday...and, come to think of it today as well! They had macaroni for lunch, pizza pops for dinner and I didn't take them anywhere nor did we have a play date. My laundry is piled up, my husband made dinner, and I'm way too tired to even think about him touching me.It almost sounds funny when I read this, but as I live it, it definitely doesn't seem funny!
Am I a bad mom? Am I a bad wife?? I must be!!
Day after day, I struggle with these questions. Some people may answer yes to these questions. They might think that I'm a bad mom, a bad wife. Really, I guess that is my fear. What everyone else thinks. Maybe they just think I'm crazy!
The more I think about it all, and worry about it, the more that I look at the laundry piling up, the dust on the table, the worse I feel, the more I start beating myself up.What a horrible feeling! Some days I don't care, others, it takes over everything that I am. I sit and wonder : Am I depressed? Is it hormones? Am I just plain lazy? I mean really, I'm home every day, why can't I accomplish these things? It shouldn't be so hard......... right?
Every other mother I see or come into contact with always seems to "have it together", I can never figure out where I'm going wrong.
Don't get me wrong,, It's not like I hate my life, or that I don't enjoy being a mom. It's not that I don't love my kids and my husband more than anything in this world. Some days though, are just so overwhelming, so hard, so tiring! Add on things like weight, money, or husbands that "just don't get it" and boom! Here I am, typing a blog as some sort of self healing! LOL
I recently started opening up. I started to tell more people about some of these things, and I couldn't believe it. I'm NOT alone.. so many other REALLY AMAZING mommies have all of the same feelings and issues as I do. Ha, some are even worse!! A lot of them are even the mommies who "have it together"!!!! HALLELUJAH!!!!!
I knew they couldn't be as perfect as they seem!! HA!
Someone (someone very smart) a few months ago, told me that so many moms are considered, "Silent Sufferers". It makes sense really.We keep all of these feelings to ourselves. Why? Because, who wants to admit that they are anything less than perfect? This is the life that we signed up for, the life that we so desperately wanted to live?? And now, we have the "nerve" to complain??? Instead,, we sit and suffer silently, holding it all inside!
I went out for dinner with "the girls" the other night. We all chatted, and vented about some of our "mommy issues", it was so refreshing to once again see that I am NOT alone! I went home feeling so good, wishing that I could do that every night. Talk to the girls over dinner every night? Wouldn't that be great? Obviously it isn't possible.
I thought about this a lot, all night. Still amazed that so many of us have all of these feelings, but yet have no way of getting them out. Thinking that all of us are SUFFERING with all of these feelings, SILENTLY! Sometimes,, a lot of the time, a girl just needs to VENT!
I then thought of the idea of creating this blog. Writing a blog for lots of amazing mommies to read, would not only give me the chance to vent and chat with the girls every day, but hopefully allow some of you to feel like you can chat and vent with me or lots of other mommies! Even if just 1 of you can relate to some of the things that I feel or go through,, hey, we'll help each other!
I'm no English major(obviously!), there will probably be lots of spelling, grammar, and paragraph mistakes, so please don't mind that. I'm sure that there will also be days that you think I'm crazy or disagree with what I might have to say. That is fine too. I love a good argument! The only thing I ask? Just please don't judge me. Please don't judge any of the mommies that leave comments or opinions. I'm doing this as fun, hoping to have some laughs, some fun, some debates and maybe even some tears with the girls. We're all in this together!
Please feel free to leave comments, and if any of you have a topic that you'd like me to touch on,, let me know, I'd be glad to. Also feel free to share it with other mommies that you think may benefit from it.
I hope you enjoy! I'll try to be as open and honest as I can. I don't want to be a "silent sufferer" anymore. So,, like I said, you poor girls are just going to have to listen to me!
Maybe this won't take off, maybe it will, but I thought that I would give it a try. Especially because you're all cheaper than a shrink!!! HA!!!
Talk to you tomorrow for my first real blog. I think that I need to talk about a book that I am reading called "Breaking the Good Mom Myth :Every Moms Modern Guide to Getting Past Perfection, Regaining Sanity and Raising Great Kids". Wow, it's been quite the eye opener for me and I think everyone should read it!
Have a great night,