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Monday, January 24, 2011

The "V" Word.......

HA! I knew that you would all come back to see exactly what "V" word I would be talking about!!

"A vasectomy: The gift of Love"
"A vasectomy means never having to say you're sorry!"

It's easy (really easy) to crack jokes and laugh when discussing this subject. Especially when I'm talking to my husband about it. I love to joke with him and watch him squirm. (what man doesn't cringe just a little when they hear "snip snip")
When it boils right down to it though, it always ends up being a serious conversation. A conversation that everyone involved in, always has very strong opinions on.

I've never been the girl/wife that has said "well I took the pill for 10 years, now its his turn", "my man will be getting done", or "If I'm giving birth, he can do this". The way that I look at it is, My husband didn't ask me to take the pill for 10 years, it was a choice that I made. I didn't get pregnant and give birth FOR MY HUSBAND, he didn't ask me to go through it, he didn't BEG me to do it. It was a decision that we made TOGETHER. That is why I don't think it is fair for me to just look at him and say "You HAVE to go get a vasectomy!"  I guess its just something that I feel has to be right for everyone. Something that both parties agree on and are comfortable with. I really do think that the guy should be 100% comfortable with the decision. Just as we women aren't "forced" into having babies, I don't believe that men should be forced to have this done.
When I see the look on my husbands face and the way he squirms at the "V" word, I start feeling sorry for him and start looking at other options. Is that LOVE or what?? Maybe I'm just too nice?? I'm more than ready for a good argument coming my way from you ladies! (We haven't had any good debates yet)

For the longest time, I thought that I had no problem going in to have a tubal ligation. I figured, that I'm tough, I'm having the kids, what's one more little procedure? It's almost like the final chapter in that book.
This is the way that I felt before having 2 Cesarean births. Before having those two horrible surgeries that left me in pain for a month. Before the doctor told me that my poor body needed a rest and that I shouldn't have more children because pregnancy was just way too hard on me. Before he told me that my body couldn't handle another surgery. Before I knew how exhausted I would be and that my body would still be healing, a whole year after having my second daughter. Before I knew that being a mommy of 2 girls under 3 was going to suck the life right out of me! I thought this before I really had a clue! 

I wish that I would have known that my body was in such rough shape when I had Lylah. My doctor came in right before the surgery and asked if I wanted my tubes tied while they were "in there". I was caught off guard. Even though we had decided that we were "done", at that moment, it just sounded so FINAL.. I told him not to do it, and that I would worry about that at a later time.
If I could turn back time, my response would have been "HELL YAH!"

So,, here we are, 14 months later!! I can't go back on "the pill" because for some reason since having children, it makes me a crazy woman.. I am no where near ready (physically) to go and have my tubes tied, and I really do not want to be, nor should I be, pregnant again. So,,, my question to all of you ladies is this: WHAT'S A GIRL TO DO??!!!!!

Do I talk really nicely to my hubby and put the idea in his head to go see the doc?? Maybe while he is sleeping at night I can just whisper "snip snip" "you want to have the snip snip"... lmao,,, can you imagine the nightmares that I would give the poor guy??!! HA! Should I just call and make him an appointment and add it to his day timer? (funny, yes! Again though, if he doesn't want to, I'm not prepared to force him)

There are other methods that we could look at, but  really?? Are any of them *really*  ideal??
I would kind of like to keep the romance alive in my marriage (now that we are starting to get it back).... and considering how "spontaneous" (cough cough) it is with men, I'd like to keep that as well...
And then,,, the issue of whether or not it is going to be reliable.At this point in my life, I don't want to be worrying/panicking every month.I was doing some research and found this. I thought it was kind of interesting....
It definitely looks like Abstinence is the way to go!!! Wait until we tell our husbands this one!!
I'm sure if I told my husband that it was our only other option, he'd be running to that Dr's office!

I've actually been giving some thought to the Copper IUD .Does anyone have any input when it comes to these? Any personal experiences?? Any horror stories? Any experiences with any of these few options would be greatly appreciated. I realize that there are so many pros and cons to every option out there, but there has got to be one that comes out on top for Pros.
I have a feeling that most of you are going to respond with "Vasectomy" as the best choice, but it's worth a try.

Imagine, I'm 31years old, married with two children, and I'm completely stressed out about Birth Control!! It really shouldn't be this complicated. Should it??

Have a great day ladies, I registered Gracie for JK this morning and she has an appointment with the ear specialist this afternoon,, busy busy!! I look forward to hearing from all of you!


April said...

My husband are sort of in the same boat, but its a little more complicated. I have 3 boys from a previous marriage and now we have baby #4, with a 9 year age gap. We both have decided that 4 kids is a large family, but since baby#4 is his only child, he is not quite ready to take permanent measures. I am breastfeeding and want to stay away from hormone-derived birth control, not to mention that my doctor told me that I should no longer take estrogen based birth control. My options were progesterone only, but that made my skin break out worse than a teenager, or a copper IUD. Years ago I tried Mirena (progesterone IUD) and my skin was TERRIBLE the entire time. Anyhow, we are still negotiating this issue and have resolved to using condoms.

April said...

*my husband and I

Mandy said...

Well by the sounds of your situation, I should feel very lucky that my boyfriend is determined to "get 'fixed' and that's that"

Almost a year ago, we explored the idea of me having the Tubal Ligation done. During that time I was battling with severe stomach pains, which was finally diagnosed as being Endometriosis. I had mentioned the procedure to my Gyno, who just said that we would discuss it at a later date. That date never did come. Surgery for the removal of the Endo came and went and he still avoided the topic.

At that time my mind was certain that this is what I wanted, or so I thought. Before long my thoughts about it changed, I couldn't bare the thought of how 'final' this decision would be! All I thought was that if anything ever happened to my girls, god forbid, I'd never be able to have another child. That thought still haunts me. So, I'm very satisified that Rob is 110% sure about having a Vasectomy.

But I completely agree with you Sarah, this is something that both of you should agree on equally. Neither one of you should feel persuaded by the other. It's only a choice that you and Pete can make after lengthy amounts of debating, weighing out the pros and cons, etc.

I wish you the best of luck with you decision making, I truely trust that whatever decision you make will be the right one, if not for anyone else then for you and your family, and that's all that matters : )

Much love.

Sarah said...

Thanks for your comments ladies!
I decided to do this blog at the request of someone else, and since I could relate to it, it made it a little easier to write.
It's not like we argue over this or anything, and it's not like Peter is saying that he WON'T look into it, its just that neither of us are 100% sure what is the best option.
I'm hoping to get some feedback today, and hopefully it will also help some of the other couples that are in the same position and don't want to openly talk about it. Nothing is ever easy when we become parents, is it?

Angela said...

This is off topic, but since you mentioned having had 2 cesarean births I thought I might bring it up as another possible blog topic. I also had my daughter by c-section and most likely will require another one for any subsequent births. I haven't had an opportunity to talk to many other moms who've had a c-section (other than my own mother). I'm curious how the second pregnancy/birth went, were there complications?? What else do I need to know!? A little scary, but I just try to think about how a lot of other moms have been through it and it a fairly common procedure these days.
Good luck with the vasectomy issue, not something I have had to think too much about YET! As you said, I think my opinion has changed on this since having my baby ;)

Victoria said...

This is definately a touchy subject. My hubby was "fixed" just before our 3rd was born. Funny but true we had him booked in to get it done 2 weeks prior to me even getting pregnant with Jacob, but the doc called the day before the surgery and said he had decided to go on a vacation and resheduled him. So by the time he walked in to the guelph general to get it done (he was the youngest man the doc had ever done the surgry on too) I was a BIG FAT PREGO, and all the nurses broke out into histerical laughter when he told them HOW BABY # 3 Happened! So for us there were a couple reasons to get the "v" done. First, before getting prego with # 1 I had sevear cycst that cause incredable pain and a lot of bleeding for about a year, then finally the doctor discovered that it was a reaction to the birth control I was on. We tried several different ones, but nothing changed, so the Dr. told me that I should ALWAYS avoid the pill (so that method was gone) #2 During my 3rd prego I developed cervical problems and had issues with my uterous and was told by that Doctor that I needed to avoid birthcontrol methods that where inserted there as I it would be highly likely to develope cervical cancer. That method gone. #3 After seperating my pelvic bones 2 times, suffering sever pain and sciatic pain and becoming so swollen that I looked like an over stuffed sausage (and that was just the 1st 2) I turned to Justin and simply said "I really need you to consider the amount of pain I have gone through to give you 2 beautiful and healthy boys, consider all the ways my body rejects birth control, and consider the fact that I really can't do this prego thing again (not knowing I was going to, LOL), Please Consider getting the snip." I know it may not be the best way to approach it, but it worked. Justin was only sore for a day, had it done on a friday, milked it for the weekend, then was back to work Monday. A friend had it done via laser and was totally fine the next day, it is reversable (which our isn't), and to be honest the EASIEST form of birthcontrol ever!
One last thing - Sorry ranting - I have a GF how has an IUD, which she now has to have surgically removed because it is stuck, so aside from the fact that I was told not to do that I am thinking "um no thanks!"
I think the big "v" is something both partners should agree on, but really we deserve it don't we?? But that is just my opinion.

Anonymous said...

well I'm on the otherside Sarah! I do believe because I carried our children that Tommy can and should be responsible for ensuring that this doesn't ever happen again! lol He of course I'm sure like most males feel as though his manhood is in jeopardy. I think he is being an immature imbecile. He won't educate himself nor discuss with friends who have had the procedure. And really ultimately it is less of a risk for him to have it done then for me to get my tubes tied. Which never mind the intial surgery but then like a friend of mine it has ended in a total hysterectomy. Anyway, I do believe it's his turn to man up. However, because he is a baby I did look into Mirena an IUD...however, it doesn't come cheap...I have a friend that swears by it though and other than being a little uncomfortable when it's inserted it isn't felt at all nor has she suffered any side effects.

Sarah said...

I definitely agree with you Heather!!! I think it's a great idea that they go to ensure that it never happens again,, i just think that they should "want" to do it.
I love that you think Tommy is being an "immature imbecile"!!! I think that about Peter lots of times, and even with this subject to a certain degree.. I think the tubal is definitely out of the question for me... I think it's been narrowed down to the "V word" or the Mirena. Thanks for your input, and tell Tommy to "suck it up!!! LOL!!! I think that is what I will tell Peter as well!!!

Sarah said...

Vicki... How long did Justin whine for after??!! Did he have any trouble at all with it?

Sarah said...

Angela,, if you want to email me your email address, I would be more than happy to send you a message with my experiences,, there are way too many for a blog!! LOL... I would be happy to answer any questions that you have!!

Victoria said...

Hey Sarah, Justin whined a lot the first night, but by the next day we was just a little tender. He was fine the next day, plus I didn't think he should be babied after such a minor procedure, I certainly wasn't after giving birth! It is such a minor thing, you can barely even see the cut, he had no problems, and everything was good after. It is so great not to worry about weither or not your monthly friend will arrive, LOL!

Sarah said...

Thanks Vicki! That is sort of what I figured.. Maybe we'll have to look at the laser technique for sure!! It sounds a little more appealing!! LOL

Anonymous said...

Hands down Peter needs to suck it up and get the "SNIP"! They will whine about being sore for a few days b/c their balls are blue and it hurts to touch it. (God they can't even go three days without fondling it?) I had swollen twinkies for a week after pushing for 2 hours and I sure as hell wasn't whining because I couldn't touch myself, as far as I was concerned no one was touching me there EVER again! LOL...
Just Get R done Peter!

Sarah said...

LMAO!! I wish I knew who wrote that. I think that I have a pretty good idea though!! Thanks for the insight!!

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