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Sunday, January 16, 2011

Why don't they get it???!!

It's not easy being a mother.  If it were easy, fathers would do it.  ~From the television show The Golden Girls

Oh, What a perfect subject today! Let me just start by saying that I am sitting down to write this after just getting home from lunch at McDonalds (Don't judge!)lol and shopping at Walmart (again,don't judge) lol
Needless to say,, I'm more than ready to let off some steam.. My journey to Walmart will have it's own blog next week!

It's funny, so many of the comments that I have received, whether on here or through private emails discuss "DADDY". So many of us wonder why they just "don't get it"? Get what?? EVERYTHING!!! 
I love my husband more than anyone in the world, that has never been an issue. Some days though, I catch myself wondering how in the world he ended up like this!!
I've thought about it a lot lately, and I think that what I have realized is that he hasn't changed a bit, he's always been this way. That is the problem!!! 
You see,, one of the things about "parenting" that bothers me the most is that our (mommies) lives change so much, so fast. Mens don't seem to change. Yes, I guess to a certain extent, they do, but not like ours!
I think that the easiest way to put all of this into words, is like this:

MY HUSBAND: still goes to the gym every day,still plays golf all summer, still meets the boys after work for drinks on Friday, still pees by himself, still showers by himself, still works on little projects in the garage, still manages to eat his whole dinner in peace, still gets to watch his UFC fights,still gets to have adult conversations every day,finishes work at 5pm,has weekends, gets holidays. I could go on and on.. just in case he reads this though, I better stop while I'm ahead! :)

ME: I can't even find 20 minutes for the stepper, I get dinner (not drinks) with the girls a few times a YEAR,I pee with the door open and usually with a child on my lap, never shower alone (and like one comment states,,, it's not like the good old days when it was our hubby in there) I find my biggest project figuring out how to keep my 1 year old in her high chair or how to make a bird out of Playdoh, I eat a forkful of food between getting a juice, catching flying food or wiping hands (OR putting my one year old back in her high chair), I read stories and answer the question "why?" about 100 times a day, I don't finish "work" until my head hits the pillow, I don't get weekends or holidays...or sick days!!

It's easy to feel sorry for yourself when you get going! But seriously, when was the last time that you got to read a magazine,,, like a WHOLE magazine or newspaper without being interrupted? Men just take theirs to the washroom and come out when it's done! Can you imagine what would happen if we did that??!

Again, I know that I shouldn't complain. This is what I have signed up for, this is what I wanted. I chose to not go back to work, I should be happy with this "deal".  (For those of you that work on top of being a mommy, I raise my glass to you, you must all be superwomen! Although, you DO get to pee by yourself!)lol
My hubby is great, I really can't complain. He does a lot of the groceries, a lot of the cooking and he usually even gets up on Saturday morning and makes breakfast and coffee before I'm up. He doesn't care that laundry isn't done or that the dishwasher STILL hasn't been emptied, but sometimes he says and does things that just really aren't SMART!
I think the best to date, is when he asked me "why don't you have any patience for her?" 
Really??! I think that I saw red! YOU WANNA SEE PATIENCE??!!! lol
Why don't I have patience? Hmm,,, let me think.... Oh, I don't know, maybe because I'm on hour 12 of terrible two tantrums and a 1 year old climbing anything that she can! Or maybe because it's 6pm and I haven't had 2 seconds to myself today?? Maybe because I never sleep sound because my ears always seem to be turned on during the night "just in case"!! 
Is it just me, or was that a really DUMB thing to ask?!
I think him asking me that, was the day that I realized "they just don't get it". They don't get how tired we are, or what our days consist of, they don't get that maybe we'd just like a hug or a "Thanks for everything you do", a day at the spa, a dinner out.. They don't get that our lives have been turned upside down along with our hormones and our bodies. We should probably just throw our hands up in the air now and give in, because they JUST DON'T GET IT!!

My next question though, is, who's fault is it that they don't get it? When you sit and really think about it, I think we're probably the ones to blame. (I might be in for an argument with that comment, right?)
We let them away with it! I know we don't control them, and they usually do what they want anyway, but I know for myself, I've never left him longer than a few hours with both kids. When I do go, I make sure that I have everything he needs ready. Snacks are ready, pjs are out, diapers and wipes are where he can see them, he doesn't have to bathe much easier can I make it for him??
The smart thing to do, would be to walk out the door, and be on our way.. What's the worst that could happen, right?
We make things so easy for them, and then we complain that they have no clue! Duh,, maybe we're the dumb ones?! 
I'm usually such a grump by the time that I am walking out the door for a girls dinner. Simply because I've been running around for an hour doing everything that I can to make "parenting" simple for my husband! Who makes it simple for us?

Another thing that I am famous for, is rushing home. Why do we do that? My hubby says "go do what you have to do" (usually during nap time!) I get so excited! Awesome, a couple of hours to just go do what I HAVE to do! Groceries, drug store, maybe the mall.. 
After about 45minutes, the anxiety sets it. I better get home! What if one of them woke up? What if something is wrong, what if, what if, what if!!! And... there goes my time out,,, home I go to save my husband, who might I add, is always just fine! 

At the end of the day, how can we blame THEM?? We've created them!! I'm not the only one that has done this because I've talked to a lot of you that have admitted to doing all of the same things.
I wonder if we make them feel incapable when we do this? I think that I would be insulted if my husband thought that I couldn't handle things without him "holding my hand"... hmmm. maybe another blog topic?

I think that I should probably quit while I'm ahead, this subject could go on forever. I guess men probably will never "Get It", but in their defense,, if they don't have to, why would they?

*Have a great weekend ladies! I look forward to hearing from all of you! Hopefully we'll get some new names joining in on these discussions!! If you don't want to comment, but you're reading, (which is Awesome!) could you do me a favour and let me know that you're following by hitting the "follow" button up top on the right? Even if you want to put an anonymous name in. I probably won't keep up with the blogs as much if I don't have enough following... Thanks so much! (I won't stop,, just may not do them every single day)*



Anonymous said...

golden!!!! i love this!! did you crawl into my mind and click "record"?! will write a proper response/comment tomorrow on all 3....
g2run...ah yes....the glamorous friday nite of a mom! ;)

Annalynn said...

I am thinking EXACTLY what Kel is thinking.... I am reading Sarah. This is awesome. Great idea and great job. Annalynn

Kristin said...

I was giggling outloud and my hubby wondered what was up...I read it to him :) He was convinced that "I" wrote it...LOL...I told him it was like it was coming RIGHT out of my mind!!

Anonymous said...

just like Kristin said I'm sure Tommy would think I wrote it!! I love the "still pees by himself" because I just had this conversation with him or the "go do what you have to do" again at nap time and then 1/2 hour into it I'm stressed...geez life would be so much simple with a pen*s!

Angela said...

A friend shared your link with me (thanks friend!) and wow, as a new mom to an almost 7 month old I can't believe how much of this I can already relate to!! (a bit scary!) In the short time I have been a mommy I have been so thankful for other mom's and knowing that I am not alone.....(it can feel VERY lonely during some of those long sleepless nights). A lot of the other mom's in my world are seemingly 'perfect', it is so refreshing to hear other mom's admitting that they are not - as I certainly am NOT!!! Thanks for sharing and I plan to keep reading!! :)

Lindsay said...

Oh Sarah THEY REALLY DON'T GET IT!!! Do you think they were born with this gene??? I do!!! I agree with you, we DO make it VERY easy for them. I am the same....always preparing EVERYTHING before going out. I am getting a little braver these days though, I only do half what I used to do. My husband can be a real pain in the butt some days, but he has stepped up a lot after having our second. I learned quickly that I needed to relinquish some of the control. Not an easy thing to do....and I am still working on it. It is true, what is the worst that could happen?? You know that if you don't leave the p.j's out they will find a pair that doesn't fit or doesn't match.. but really is that the end of the world?? I have to say this to myself ALL the time.
Life for a father does not change that much. I always say Mothers leave a room and say "can you watch the baby/kids for a second I have to run upstairs and get something?" They just walk out of the room without saying a word.

For any FIRST TIME Mom's out there.....YOU WILL STRONGLY DISLIKE your husband at some point or many points during the first few months of your baby being born. Don't be alarmed...YOU are NOT alone and this feeling will probably continue!!!!
I could probably go on and on about this topic....but I wont.
Hope everyone had a great weekend.

Sarah said...

Welcome Angela! I'm happy to hear that you are enjoying the blog! Hopefully we haven't scared you! lol.

You girls have me laughing today!! I'm so happy to hear that I'm not alone on this one! I had a pretty good idea that all men were "wired" this way, but it is refreshing to have it confirmed!!
First time moms,, Lindsay is right, you will definitely STRONGLY DISLIKE your husband at times.. you'll also SPITE them more times than you can count. It passes though,, for small periods of time... LOL!! Like another friend said in a private message. "until they have a vagina and a uterus, they'll just never fully get it".. We may have to continue this blog topic another day..
Maybe we can have a weekly blog dedicated to venting about our men??!!!! Thanks again girls, this is getting fun!

Angela said...

I was actually very impressed with my husband in the beginning. The amount of patience he seemed to gain, his ability to change a diaper and work the vacumm.....but slowly but surely his life is getting back to 'normal' while mine keeps changing more than ever!! The hardest part for me has been the sleep! While he still gets his 8+ hours at night, PLUS still gets to sleep in (what's that?!), PLUS has NAPS!! It KILLS me!!! I am LUCKY if I get 6-7 hours at night and I go to bed never knowing what the night is going to hold. I can't help but be resentful of him during the day when I am exhausted and still taking on most of the responsibilities??? I feel guilty at times too because I also know that I signed up for this, it was definitely what I wanted - but I had no idea how HARD it was going to be!! People try to tell you but you have no idea until you are IN it!! I couldn't WAIT to be on Mat Leave.....but soon learned that it is no walk in the park. At least when I was working my job my alarm didn't go off until 7:15 am (and I thought THAT was hard - little did I know), I had lunch breaks, was done at 5pm, had weekends and holidays, etc, etc! I have never been so needed before in my life!! Anyways, I know that you girls GET it....but it sure does feel good to vent!! So, thanks for that!! And thanks so much for welcoming me :) I'm sure I will be back on this topic too!

Sarah said...

LOL Angela! I think all husbands must feel the need to "prove" themselves in the beginning. Some stick with it, but i think that the majority do what your husband has done. They start slacking. I'm not sure why, or at what point they start thinking that it is okay to stop changing diapers or stop getting up through the night, but they all seem to do it.
I think that my favourite is when my husband will say "Sarah!" because the baby is going towards the stairs or climbing on a chair. Really?? Are your legs broken??? We were out 3 times this weekend, all at different homes. All 3 visits, he sat comfortably while I chased after a 1 year old and made sure that a 3 year old was behaving. I'm sure he really enjoyed all of his visits, but he left me wishing that we stayed home! This probably should have been another blog, but I just wanted to let you know that they are definitely all the same. You will resent him, you will spite him and heck there will be days you "hate" him and want a divorce (lol) just remember though that they next one won't be any better, so you may as well keep him!! Hope you all had a great weekend!!

Angela said...

I hear ya! I can't count the number of places my hubby dragged me to this summer (with a newborn) when I much rather would have stayed at home!! I think he honestly thought he was doing me a favour - 'getting me out of the house'. But then I would turn around and wonder where he was and he'd be out by the fire, or driving a three wheeler while I was left worrying about the bugs or the weather or feeding her, etc. etc. I think that was when I started to realize how much my life had changed and his hadn't!!
I think MY favourite is when he tells me he doesn't understand my 'system' in the nursery. Well - that's probably because most days there isn't one!! LOL (And if he wants one maybe he should go ahead and organize it!)
So, needless to say I have already had some of those days of resenting him or 'hating' him (was kinda hoping it was a stage...hmmm LOL) But we always argued and butted heads - even before baby - so we knew it wasn't going to be easy! I'm realizing that I need to ASK for more help and it would be GREAT if he would sometimes just OFFER (as in without being asked!!) But it really does sound like they are all the same! Good idea to make a weekly blog just on this topic!!

Sarah said...

Wow Angela! Your husband sounds just like mine! Men are definitely all wired the same way! I think for sure we'll do a once a week, bash your hubby blog!! Any preference on the day??
PS~ Its not a stage,,my oldest is 3 and I still have many periods of resent/spite/hate!! lol
Its the same thing as with my girls though, at the end of the day, I roll over and look at him sleeping and remember why I love him so much! Thanks for all of your comments, you're keeping me going!!

Kelly said...

haha I think the bash your hubby blog is a great idea!
We all need to vent.

Sarah said...

Ok!! You ladies asked for it,, you're going to get it! I'm going to put up a blog asking what you want to vent about next. I know that you all want to vent about men,, but there are so many subjects that I could pick... Feel free to throw some ideas at me... I can't wait!!

~ *Sandra* ~ said...

I had to come back to this blog today, just because I wanted a reminder that "I created this"... walking out the door after everything is set up makes me laugh. Its exactly what I do. and then rush home? Yep...
I think its a little bit of "Martyr"ing (sp?) and I really don't mean to, so my new mantra is "If I have to do it, You're going to know every little thing about what I do".. hahahaha So how many ounces of formula is he taking today you ask? how many tablespoons of cereal this time? He's going to know everything and that way, when he forgets, its not MY fault!!! LOL!! I think this needs more blog time................ ;-)

Here's another title, how about "The Stay At Home Mom: Misunderstood by her Man" because I don't know how many times my loving husband (I do love him, promise!!) says, "but staying at home and being a mom is your job" with a clueless look on his face. Or what about this, "PAIRenting: Yes Boys, that means 2 people!" Lots of my mommy friends i've talked to swear they are married but feel like single parents!!! Blog Away, Sarah!! :)

Sarah said...

Thanks for coming back to this one Sandra,, I think I will come back to it too,, be patient and we'll have another "go" at this subject!! lol

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