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Monday, February 28, 2011

I'm alive!!

I'm back and I'm still alive! Barely, after the night that I had on Friday night, but I'm still alive!! LOL
No need to get into details of the evening, but from what I had of it, I had fun!

It's funny you know, I've been trying to touch the subject of money since I've started this blog, but it's either never been the right time, or I've just never known how to tackle it. Probably because it's such a personal subject. It's probably a subject that no one wants to talk about publicly and a subject that most would think I'm crazy getting personal about. But that's okay!!

Money stresses me out in way that I can't even describe in words. It's something that affects every single day of my life. Whether it be thinking about the bills that need paid, or the extra birthdays this month, the fact that we need something new... Well, there's just always something!!

I remember before we had kids, we used to complain that there was "never enough money"! LOL!! I look back now and think to myself, DUH!!!! That's because we went out for dinner twice a week, had takeout once a week, went to the bar at least once on the weekend and then went out for breakfast on Sunday mornings. On top of it, we bought whatever we wanted for ourselves!! We "lived" life I guess you could say.

Unfortunately we weren't the smart ones that sat back and realized we should be saving for when we had children and I was home making no money!! (does anyone??) That being said, we did really enjoy life!

The thing that sucks for me is that I owned my own business!! That means NO maternity leave! Not a penny! Once I was off, I was off!! So, we went from having my "decent" income, to only Peter's. Here we were adding this tiny little money sucking creature and taking away a pay cheque every month!! GREAT!

It's amazing what you can do when you're forced to! We've gone over three years now with one income. I have to say, we really have done pretty good. We don't very often, "go without". That doesn't mean we don't have stress at the first of every month when all of the bills come out at once, or if we have something sudden come up, it doesn't mean that we haven't had weeks that we've lived from one cheque to the next, it just means that we've made it through. There have been some lots of not so good days because of money, but we're surviving..

I think that the biggest stress for me in all of this, is the guilt that I have when I spend any little bit of money on myself! The guilt and the thoughts that I'm not bringing in any money or that I'm spending all of "his" money!
Am I alone with this one?
I feel guilty getting a haircut, or buying new clothes. I feel guilty going out with the girls and buying a bottle of wine + a bottle of vodka. Why??? I have no clue! Peter is amazing, and never ever has said anything about him making all the money.(I wonder if he thinks it??)  It's definitely something that I do to myself.

I know that I'm contributing to our family in a way that  in my eyes, is much larger than going to work every day, (not meaning that those of you that work isn't a big thing,, that's even bigger and I don't have a clue how you do it!) but yet I still feel like I don't "deserve" a new pair of jeans (or that really amazing bikini that I bought yesterday! lol)
It's kind of a catch 22 because I know that if I went back to work, it would take such a huge stress off  of me in the money department. I could lose this guilt of spending money on myself. Yet, I know though that if I was to go back to work I would have the guilt of knowing that I left my girls just because I didn't want the stress of money and I would HATE every day that i wasn't home with them.
HA! There is really no winning. I know that I shouldn't complain as it's MY choice to stay home, but my gosh, it's another one of those things that they don't warn us about before we get pregnant. No one told me (unless I tuned them out) how tough it would be or that I would have guilt from simply buying a $6 tank top at Walmart!!!

I still think I'll take staying home over going back to work.. what do you ladies think?? Does anyone else have the guilt over spending money on themselves???

Friday, February 25, 2011

A Day and NIGHT to Myself!!

My mind is still in a thousand different places today. So... as I sit down to write this post (finally), I have no idea where I am going with it!

I have a girls night tonight! An ALL NIGHT girls night!!! We're not going to a bar or anything. About 20 of us are going to a friends place with lots of food and lots of drinks and we're all crashing there. (just so you don't think I'm a totally wild mommy and staying out somewhere crazy all night!)I am so friggin excited, and for the first time ever, I do not feel one bit bad about leaving the girls all night! Daddy will be home with them, so I know they're fine, and I know that I'm helping myself and them by taking the night off..

In a way, my night has already started. I got up this morning, had a shower with my beauties, and took them to Gram and Gramps' for the morning. I dropped them off, hit the grocery store and then went and got my hair done! It was so nice, driving with the music cranked (gosh I love PINK), and knowing that I had the morning to myself! Again, I didn't feel guilty at all, and that felt good!
I found myself feeling excited about something for the first time in a while.
It's amazing what a drive with the music cranked can do! I was able to let go of all of the stress of this trip, and just sing!! I smiled at myself when I realized what I was doing.
"I need to do this more often!" is what I thought to myself.

It was such a small thing, but it had such a great effect!! A couple of hours to myself, doing something for ME!! The girls were happy. My mom and dad were happy because they were with the girls, and I was happy!! It was only a couple of hours, but that's all it took to change my "state of mind"! So why don't I do this more often? Why don't any of us do this more often??  I for one am going to start, that's for sure!

I picked the girls up, brought them home and put them straight to bed... So, not only did I have a morning to myself but an afternoon as well!! I just made a vanilla hazelnut coffee and sat down to start typing!!

As soon as I'm done, I plan on picking out an outfit, doing my makeup and packing my overnight bag!!
I've decided that I'm not taking a cell phone. Nope, no calls, no emails, no texts!! I refuse to have something on me that will allow me to be "checking in" on my kids every 10 minutes. I REFUSE to be "ONE OF THOSE" moms! (LOL)
I will leave daddy the number and address to where I am, kiss my children (and daddy) goodbye, and off I go!!! Did someone say tequila???!!
Some may call that irresponsible, I call it making sure I have a great night, a night I deserve!! A MOMMY'S NIGHT OUT!!
Have a great weekend ladies,, I'll be back on Monday!!

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Not Today!

I'm gonna be completely honest with you guys today! I just really don't want to do this today!
I'm completely overwhelmed with this trip and everything we're going to need for it. I'm stressed about the money we need to "find" to spend while we're in Cuba, because we're leaving at the 1st of the month when ALL of our bills come out!!!( Poor planning, yes! And... we're going to talk about money tomorrow!)
Both girls are still sick and nasty. I think Gracie has an ear infection and the doctors office is closed. Now, Peter is going to have to leave work early so that he can take her to the after hours clinic because I have clients tonight.
Gracie was supposed to have school today, and I was going to get all of my running around done. That obviously didn't happen. My house looks like a bomb hit, and laundry is once again piled high!
To top it all off, I have no coffee!!! The only one (KCUP) that I had left was decaf. I made it, but Lylah spilled it all over the place 5 minutes after I made it. Thankfully she didn't get burned!
I'm just having a bad day, and can't find it in me to do a regular post!
I will try to redeem myself tomorrow!

I've also been trying to figure out what I'm going to do about the Blog while I'm gone. Is there anyone that would like to be a guest blogger?? If so,, get typing!! Anything you want to talk/bitch about! I will set them all up so that I have one posted every day!! It would really be helping me out if a couple of you did this for me. I don't want to just leave the Blog for a week!!

Wish me luck for the rest of this day. I have a girls night tomorrow night, thank god, and if all of this stress keeps up, I'm sure I'll be spending some time getting acquainted with the toilet by the end of the night! lol
Have a better day than me!!!

Thanks for understanding!!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011


I think that we should come up with a new "WOMAN CODE"!!!!!

It's going to be quite simple, and go something like this............"If your children are sick, keep them the hell away from my children"!!!!! Easy right?!!!

If I come across a little bitter in this post, It's because I AM!!! I mean, really, how hard is it? If your kids are sick, keep them at home, take them to the doctor, do what you have to do. Just keep them away from other kids until they're better!!!
I know that there are times it can't be avoided, times that they HAVE to be around other kids, but if they don't HAVE to be, they shouldn't be!

Why do some parents think that it is okay to come for a playdate with a child with a high fever, and another one with green sludge coming from their nose and a cough that sounds like both lungs are going to come flying out at any second??! WHY???!!!!
What would the harm be in keeping them home??

Is it because the parents don't want to miss out on the play date? Is it because the parents Have to go to work, so they have "no choice" but to take the kids to school???
I don't get it! I definitely don't think it's the kids making the choice because if they are sick, I can guarantee that they would rather be home on the couch!! Besides, it's us as parents who make the final decision!

I had three months this year of cancelling visits and play dates because my girls were sick and just couldn't shake it completely! The last thing that I wanted to do was take them around other children, babies, pregnant women, even other adults just so that they could pass it along! I'm sure friends were starting to think I was avoiding them because I cancelled time after time. Yes it sucked for me, but I got over it!
Other times, if the girls weren't too sick, I would at least call the friend, explain what the girls had, what their symptoms were and leave it up to them whether they wanted our germs to enter their house or not.
Common Courtesy, right???!!!!

I have 2 sick little girls right now. One with a high fever, one with "green sludge" and a horrible cough! I know exactly where they "found" these colds and ticks me right off!! (obviously!)
In this case, I think it was because the parents were too worried about "missing out". But, because they didn't want to miss out, I now have two sick little girls that are leaving for Cuba in a week! Now I have to worry that they're going to be sick the whole time, and wonder if I should take them to the doctor now, or wait! Now I've got two sick cranky kids while I try to shop, pack, and prepare!! Yes, I'm bitter!
I also had to cancel a play date today,as much as I hated it, and wanted to see my girlfriend, but I would never want to risk passing these nasty germs to another household!

So,, let's all make a deal! New Woman Code!! From here on out, we'll keep our little germ infested children to ourselves!!!

Thanks for letting me vent!!
Have a great day, I'll be spending the day cleaning green sludge off of my children's faces!!

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Pack Your Own Suitcase!

We booked a trip to Cuba today!!! WOO HOOO!!!
I've been so excited about the thought of going, laying on the beach, reading a book, listening to the waves!! (HA! Who am I kidding??! I'll have two kids under the age of 4 with me! There won't be much time for "laying" on the beach!) Either way, I'm excited! 

Now that it is real though, now that the trip is actually booked, the excitement has turned to panic!!! I've got so much to do. How do I even begin to pack for myself, a one year old, and a three year old??
(I've told Peter that he is on his own with his suitcase!! Lucky for him, I didn't get any grief about it!)

When we got home from booking the trip, I sat down on the couch and almost started to hyperventilate. I was thinking about everything I have to get done in 10 days!! I've gone on a ton of trips before, but never have I had to pack for myself plus two little ones! I have so much to think about! Sunscreen, hats, diapers, wipes, medications, toys. I have to make sure I have the remedy to anything that COULD happen!! I have to go over all of the "what ifs".

I turned to Peter and said "Oh my gosh! I have so much to do!"
His response???? "Well I can help you!"
So, I said asked if he wanted to pack Gracie's suitcase.... NOPE. Lylah's?? NOPE!!!
Did he want to pack mine?? NOPE
Did he want to clean the house and get it ready for someone else to live in for a week?? NOPE!!


I filled out 4 passport applications including his, and handed the pen to him while pointing to the exact spot that he had to sign! I will go to the drug store and get all of the medications, sunscreens and snacks that we need to take. I will go to the dollar store and get little gifts to take to the locals. I've done the shopping for bathing suits and clothes. I researched the resort, read the reviews, asked questions........
At what point do you think the help kicks in??
It's really no wonder men enjoy vacations so much, is it??

Isn't this sort of classic for men though? They sit back and enjoy the ride, while MOMMY does everything to get things ready!
It doesn't matter where we go, MOMMY gets the girls dressed and ready, myself ready, the diaper bag packed. Snacks packed, milk packed.
What does daddy have to do???  Put his coat and shoes on and start the car??!! (life is tough!)

Honestly does that piss any of you off as much as it does me??!
It's even worse if we get somewhere and he says "did you remember ............., or you forgot.....!"

Those are the times that I could trow something at his head (again!!)

I've been thinking about all of the times we go places, and Peter sits having a drink, completely relaxed, while I run around after two "angels" the whole time!

Am I crazy taking two kids to Cuba??

I think daddy is going to be in for a rude awakening when he realizes that this trip isn't going to be laying on the beach for a week with a cocktail in his hand the whole time!

Today, I'm looking for some advice/suggestions for travelling South with little ones........... What medicines I should take, good snacks,  any little tips will be greatly appreciated! Thanks in advance ladies.

Saturday, February 19, 2011


Thought most of us would need this considering it's weekend again and we're all working overtime!!!!

BUT WE SHOULD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, February 18, 2011

It's worth it!

So everyone is quite aware of the week (or two) that I have had!!
Things have been tough. It has felt like there's been way more bad times than good times.
Or...  maybe it's it just that I haven't noticed the good times because I've been too busy focusing on the bad..

Sometimes, I get so stressed out and overwhelmed that I don't think I stop and appreciate all of the good things,moments, or the cute things that the girls might say or do. This is pretty upsetting, but I don't know what to do to change it.

I've had a tough time with Gracie this week. She's been extra saucy, and she's been doing whatever she can to test my limits. She even got in "trouble" (she tried to push someone out of a chair she for the first time at school. I've tried to look closely, to see if anything has changed. Sometimes I know that if even the smallest thing is off,, they're behavior will change as well. I really can't think of anything.. I'm sure it's just a phase! (I hope)

On Wednesday, I had someone tell me that there may be a huge Self Reflection (for me) in Gracie. (I don't know if I worded that right?) I'm not sure exactly what she meant. I was shocked though to see/hear a lot of myself in Gracie when I really stopped and played close attention to her..
Some of the looks on her face, some of the tones in her voice, and even some of the things she was saying to her sister or Peter and I.  It was kind of scary really. (not one of my proudest moments!)
Most of what I was seeing, weren't good qualities at all. It was the dirty looks, the angry looks, the "what did I tell you? I told you I wanted a cheeseburger"! (yes, my 3 year old said that to me this week!)
I was almost in tears thinking about it last night? Do I really sound like that when I talk to my children? Do I really look like that when I'm mad??
This is her "what did I tell you?" look!
Wow!! I've got some work to do!!

Today, I've really tried hard to pay close attention to my choice of words, my tone and my facial expressions. Hopefully its not too late!! Regardless, I'm going to work on it!
The thought of this self reflection thing though, is eating at me!! As the girls get older, I'm sure it's only going to get worse, right?? I'll have two of them looking like me then! Yikes! Gracie doesn't know that she's doing anything wrong, and she isn't really. Because of me, it's normal for her to talk this way.............Ahhhh!!

I put the girls down for their nap about an hour ago, while I  was tucking Gracie in, I thanked her for being such a good girl..... This is how our conversation went.

"Thank you for being such a good girl today Gracie, we've had a fun day, haven't we?"
"Yes mommy, I had a bad day yesterday, but I was a good girl today!"
"You were, and that makes Mommy SOOOO happy!"
"You know what makes me happy Mommy?"
"Your kisses make me happy and I love your tight squeeze!"
She then gave me the biggest, tightest squeeze ever.

I almost melted right then and there. No one has ever said something that made me feel so good!
This is the smile that I hope she learned from me!
That is when I realized that maybe it's not all bad things that I'm passing on to my daughter. Sure she's picked up some dirty looks,tones, and things she really shouldn't be saying, but she didn't get that sweet personality all on her own. The smile that she had when she said this to me? I can only hope that she learned that from me.

For today, I can stop beating myself up. I can be proud of this little girl and something that she has learned from me!
As I sat on the couch trying to figure out what I was going to post today, I decided that I had to share this with you ladies.
This one simple little moment with Gracie opened my eyes (today) and made me realize that it's worth it! It's ALL worth it. The sleepless nights, the messy house, the pile of laundry, the 10 extra pounds, it's ALL WORTH IT for these special little moments that we'll be able to hold onto forever!!!

Happy Friday Ladies! Don't work too hard!!

Thursday, February 17, 2011

I'm Beautiful Dammit!!

Now this is a true friend!! lmao!
I've had a few emails/comments lately in which you ladies have mentioned body image...
You're not wanting to go out, or be social due to the way that you're feeling about yourself physically. This is something that I can definitely relate to, and something that I dealt with  for months, and in some ways, I still am.

We all know how we gained the baby weight. Ice cream and chocolate just tasted so much better when we were pregnant!  We were eating for two!!
It's okay to be fat when we're pregnant, because, well... because we're pregnant!! We make all of these excuses and everyone tells us not to worry about it. The weight will fall of once we have the baby. That we're beautiful, and glowing. This one always makes me laugh!
I'm sorry, but when was the last time you saw a fat "glowing" pregnant woman??? lol......... hate me but it's true!

When I was pregnant, I didn't gain too much weight,, I stuck around the 30lb mark.
After Gracie, the weight literally fell off of me. I left the hospital close to the size that I was before i was pregnant with her. Within 3 weeks, I was back into most of my pre-pregnancy clothes.
So, with Lylah, I wasn't worried at all. I gained a little more with her, but I knew thought that it would fall off just as fast, so I didn't care.

It was at my 6 week checkup that I had the "cry on the scale" moment! How was it that I weighed the exact same as I did at my last appointment?? Good lord!! I lost 6lbs of baby, and all that other gross weight that they talk about. Placenta etc......... So how was I not down at least 10-15lbs??
It was at that point that I started beating myself up. Mentally, and emotionally, I was a wreck. I'm sure the hormones didn't help, but I was disgusted with myself.

I didn't want to go out. I didn't want my husband to look at me, let alone touch me. I used to go into the washroom and shut the door to change.If I did go out, I stayed away from places that I "might" see someone I knew, and if I was forced to go to the mall or a busy restaurant, my head stayed down so that even if they saw me, I didn't know it. In my head (my psycho head) I could hear them saying things like "wow, what happened to her?? Yikes, has she ever put on the beef! She used to be so tiny!"  It was horrible. I know that I made it so much worse for myself than it really was. I've never dealt with weight before, so this honestly was like the end of the world to me.
I'm sure that I may sound a little shallow when I say that, and I apologize if I do, I don't mean to come across that way. Weight has just never really been something I've struggled with...
My husband used to tell me that I looked great and I wanted to throw something at his head (ok, maybe I did once!!). But really, Why would he lie to me?
Friends and family would even tell me not to be so hard on myself. After all, I "just had the baby 3 months ago"!!! Grrrrr......

Everything was kind of a viscous circle for me because the worse I felt, the more I ate.
I know that it was also hard to lose weight because there was just no time. There was no time for exercise. Hell, there was no time to eat most days. Usually it was 2pm before I was putting something in my mouth, and then it was usually a bag of chips or a handful of cookies. Dinner would then come next and I would literally eat until I couldn't eat anymore.
Who the hell has time for 3 healthy meals and healthy snacks in between when you're looking after little ones???!! And then there is drinking water.. I never drank water. Cofffee, pop or Coffee were my options.
Hence the puffy water retention look I was sporting so well! (I wish I had a picture to show you just how HOT I was!)
I finally pulled myself  together when Lylah was about 4 months old. I was introduced to a great nutritional cleansing program and ended up losing all of my weight, plus some.

The one thing that I find amazing is how much our bodies change. I never ever gained weight in my mid section. I have always carried my weight below my waistline. Since having kids though, i know the true meaning of "MUFFIN TOP". Like really, is it necessary for that fat to be there??? The crappy part is that no matter what I try, i can't get rid of it. I'm still so self conscious about it too!!

See, that's the thing. I think we look at other moms who "have it together" or who have lost their baby weight (skinny bitches) and we beat up on ourselves. (and secretly hate them)
The trouble is, we forget that "skinny bitch" over there might have something going on that she is totally self conscious about. A reason that she hates leaving the house.

Some of you might see me and say that I'm one of those "skinny bitches" right now, and that's fine, but what you don't all probably know is that I am very self conscious, and pretty insecure. My body has changed in ways that I never dreamed it would. Yes, I may have lost my weight, but I could lose more, and I could definitely lose my "muffin top". I also have NO BOOBS since having kids.. I went from a 36C to a 36DD now, to a 34A,, yep 34A (stop laughing! Please, feel sorry for me!) 
The thing though that I am most insecure about is my upper lip. Since having Lylah, the skin on my upper lip has gone about 3or 4 shades darker than the rest of my face. It looks like I have a mustache. It's horrible!!! I feel like everyone is looking at me thinking that I should go wax it!! Apparently it's "normal"!  It's because of hormones, and happens to a lot of people, but really,, why did it have to happen to me??!! WHY??!!!! Because the muffin top isn't sexy enough???!!! I need a mustache to go along with it!! Fantastic!!!

There are so many things that fall into the category of "body image"..... We all have things we would change, things that make us insecure and miserable,, and thats okay.... It sucks, but really, we can either do something to change it, or accept it.......and if we choose to accept, that means we can no longer bitch about it!!
We also have to remember that "no one can make us feel inferior without our consent". Remember that, every time you go out and feel a little insecure or self conscious! We had babies! We have a reason!! Not everyone does!!! LOL!!!!

What is the thing that makes you most self conscious about yourself!!! What is the one thing you could change if you could????

"To lose confidence in one's body is to lose confidence in oneself." 

- Simone De Beauvoir

Wednesday, February 16, 2011


I got asked a question today. A question that might sound pretty simple to some of you. A question that I haven't given much thought to,but when I was asked was very impacted by the answer.

What are you passionate about?

She was referring to life in general. What I want to do with my life. What my purpose is, in this big scary world. I can't figure any of that out and was kind of reaching out for help today.  I was asked, what are you passionate about??!!

My response??!!  "NOTHING"
Nothing? I shocked myself! Thought about it again and confirmed it,, nothing!
Is it strange that there is nothing that I am passionate about? Is it strange that I have no clue how I want to spend the rest of my life?
I'm referring to something outside the house, besides being a mommy and a wife....

I used to be passionate about my job. Now, I have no interest in it.
I have days that I think certain jobs would be "cool" but within a day or two......POOF!! Interest gone!!

I'm passionate about my children (sometimes in a good way ~sometimes not so much lol),, but the fact is, my kids aren't going to be home forever.. When they start school, I need to get my butt back to work. I need to start making money again.
Even now, as much as I love being home, many days, it just isn't enough! It's not enough to make me feel like I'm doing everything I should be. Everything I could be....

I've been struggling with this lately. I've been feeling like I need something "more".  Like there MUST be more to me, to who I am. More than being a wife and a mom.
I feel like I have to find my purpose and do more for myself.. Yet, when I really think about it,, I can't find my passion, there is nothing that I really want to do, nothing that I think will fulfill this need.

Maybe I just don't have time (or energy) to be passionate about anything other than my family right now.
That's sad though isn't it?
Have I completely lost myself during this Motherhood Journey??! It scares me to think that I have, to know that I have.

Next question is, how do I figure it out? How do I dig deep, or reach into myself and find the part of me that isn't mommy and wife and find the person that is passionate about something that I'm going to do for the rest of my life??

I need some help with this one, I know that only I can find it within myself, but am I alone with this? Do all of you still have your "passion"?Do you have something that excites you outside of the house?  A job that you just can't wait to get back to? (not because it's getting out of the house, but because you LOVE your job)
Maybe it's something like a class or hobby??

What are you passionate about??? 
New post is coming later this evening ladies!! SORRY!! I have had a crazy day getting passport pictures and applications submitted......... I will be back in a few hours, first I need a glass of wine,,,,, or two!!!
Thanks for your patience!!!

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

I Give Up!!

It's been one of those weeks!!

You know, one of those weeks that you just want to throw your hands up in the air, and say "I GIVE UP!"??
I give up trying to keep my floors clean. I give up trying to get my laundry done.. I give up trying to get my kids to eat. I give up trying to get these silly passport applications filled out. I give up trying to stop the whining. I give up trying to get all the bills paid. I give up trying to put a smile on my face when my hubby comes home at night! I just GIVE UP!!!!!

Yesterday was one of those days that I actually decided "I give up".. I walked around with tears in my eyes most of the day and I admitted that I had finally been defeated..
Screw the laundry, screw making dinner, screw everything..... My girls were fed, they were bathed, in jammies and in bed, and that was enough!! Anything else, I couldn't be bothered with.

There are just some days that I can't pull it together, and yesterday was one of those days at its finest!
I don't know what got me to this point, if anything or anyone.. but it was a horrible feeling.
Maybe it was the pressure of Valentines Day, getting stuff for the girls, getting stuff for Peter. Getting stuff for Gracie to take to school today. All of this on top of the "regular" stuff.
Maybe it was the weather? I really don't know.
I think though, a lot of it was the fact that Peter was grumpy, he was stressed.
Doesn't he know that he's not allowed to be stressed or grumpy?
It sounds silly that something like that would bring me to my breaking point, but he's my rock, he's the one that keeps me sane, and strong when I have a bad day everyday!!
I should be able to switch roles for him, support him when he's having a bad day, but for some reason, I can't. Instead, I get mad at him for being stressed and grumpy!! That really helps things!!! LOL

So, now I've got all of the regular everyday stresses and a grumpy stressed out husband. What do I do? I give up!!!
Then I sit and think to myself,,,, really?? What am I going to do?
 How am I going to give up?
Am I going to run away? Am I really going to stop doing the laundry, paying bills or cleaning the floors?? (Doubt it!) Am I really just going to keep giving my kids hotdogs so that I don't have to fight with them about food? (maybe!)

I woke up this morning and thought to myself: I have two options, good day or bad day??! I've chosen good day today. I've chosen to suck it up, pull myself together and deal with it. I had my day that I pouted and cried, felt sorry for myself, but now it's time to turn it all around. Besides, I've got nowhere to go, and no way to change it all, so I just have to face the fact that this is my life now. There are going to be good days, there are going to be bad days, but at least I have days!

That being said, I'm still going to curse as I step over the laundry and clean the floor for the tenth time, and I'm still going to pull my hair out the next time I hear my children whine,, but I'm not going to give up today,, I'm just going to keep trekking!

Thanks for letting me vent.
Oh, and by the way.........when I was driving home from dropping Gracie off at school today, this song came on the radio. It felt like PINK was singing to me and it made me smile for one of the first times in 3 days.. I suggest the next time you're having one of "these" days,, you listen to it,,, It's awesome!!! I'm sure it wasn't meant to be taken the way that I was,, but hey,, it worked for me today....

Here is the video of the lyrics. I was worried that the official video might be offensive to some,, so this allows you to still hear the song!! Have a GREAT day ladies!

Monday, February 14, 2011

I thought that I would be back with a post, but I'm having a really BAD day..... Just one of "those" days and I can't seem to get it together.

I hope you're all having a great day, enjoy your evenings with your men and kids and I will be back tomorrow!!

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Saturday, February 12, 2011

Weekend Funny

I thought you ladies would appreciate this as we "enjoy" our weekend!! Sorry, no time to post today I'm too busy cleaning and doing laundry.. Did I mention how much I love weekends??!!!

Friday, February 11, 2011

Lets Just Go Home!

I had so much to do today!!!
As soon as the girls got up, we jumped in the shower (remind me to blog about that!), had breakfast, packed our bags and were out the door!! I should mention that we got up at 7:30am and it was 10:45am when we got out the door!!! Grrr... not a good start...

My list of things to do was huge. Get gas, go to the bank, the Dollar store, Winners, PayLess and then to Walmart. 
Walmart was the most important so I thought I better tackle it first as I was beginning to get a feel of how this day was going to play out.

Good thing I did!! We got through Walmart okay, but by the time I got to PayLess which is 2 minutes away, I had a 3 year old in meltdown mode and a 1 year old following suit! Fantastic!!
We lasted about 2 minutes in the shoe store and I said "Lets just go home!"..

Why do I bother? What's the point in trying? 

In my girls defense,, they were tired, they were hungry and they really didn't want to be looking at shoes. In my defense, well, I just NEEDED to get things done!!!

I didn't get anything done, and now my list for tomorrow is twice as long! I just couldn't handle buckling/unbuckling one more car seat, or take one more kick in the gut from my Lylah because she wanted down..I couldn't take the whining! Enough was enough!!

As I was driving home, I wondered to myself why some really smart mommy couldn't think of a way to open a place that has everything all in one place!! Like really, would it hurt to put a Bank of Montreal in Walmart for me???  C'MON!!!

I thought about it once I got home,(while beating myself for not having more patience!) and if I were to have done everything that I had planned today, I would have buckled and unbuckled car seats 23 times!!!!!! Yep, 23!!!! 
Is it really worth it??

That my friends is why I don't get things done, why I don't go out in the winter. 
That is why I am one miserable mommy sitting on my couch bitching to you while drinking a coffee. AND.... that my friends is why Peter will be getting his butt to the liquor store after work (Mmmmm wine) And finally, that is why he will also be grabbing some takeout(Mmmm Thai) for dinner!!

I'm staying home!!!

Have a great weekend guys!!! Hopefully mine ends up better than it has started!

Thursday, February 10, 2011

Life Changes!!

Does anyone else ever struggle with how much life has changed since having kids?
Does the world change? Do our friends change, or is it US that change??

I've been struggling with this a lot lately.. So many things change for the better, things that I would never change back. There are those few things that change though, that I wonder why they had to, if they'll ever go back to "the way they were" (and NO..I'm not just talking about my body)

My friendships are probably the thing that I struggle with the most.. The friendships where not all of us have children.
It seems like although we're so close, we live in two different worlds!
And then there are the friends that have one child while I have two, we live in different worlds too!!
It's like no one can relate anymore. Like we're all "existing", but on different planets. No one is at fault, it's just the way it is!
Really,, how is someone without kids going to understand why we just can't find time to pick up the phone, return an email, or make time for coffee??Why should they understand why we just don't have time to devote to our friendships like we used to?
And.. people with one child KNOW how busy life is with a child, so if they can make time for a play date or dinner, why can't we? How can life with 2 (or more) really be THAT different?

Don't get me wrong, all my friends are amazing, I am surrounded by great people, but some days it's just really hard to find any common ground. It gets frustrating trying to explain that "I'm just too tired" to go to the movies or out for a coffee, that I can't find a babysitter, or that I just don't have any money.

I also struggle with planning outings with other couples.
It's next to impossible to do anything with friends that don't have kids. It's pretty hard to bring the kids and actually enjoy a visit and lets face it, they probably don't want our kids (monsters) running around their nice clean houses anyway.
So,, let's try to plan a fun night with friends that also have kids.
That doesn't work either!
My kids have to be in bed by 8pm, and their kids have to be in bed by 8pm,, so really, whose house are we going to go to??
We could get babysitters, but realistically, we're not going to do that every weekend. I try to save the sitter for nights that are "really" worth it!! (Girls night WOOT WOOT!)
Seriously though, it's easier to just stay home!! Weekends have definitely changed! Life has changed!!

Night visits and outings are the worst, but lately I've been finding it really hard to do anything during the day as well.. Once we all get up, get dressed and have breakfast,, it's usually time for Lylah to have her morning nap. She wakes up, we play a bit, have lunch and then both girls have their afternoon nap. The morning is now gone and most of the afternoon as well. By the time they wake up, it's time to get dinner started,
Daddy gets home, we eat dinner, its bath and story time,, then bed!!! Where/when in that day do I have time for visiting, shopping, coffee,, anything outside this house for that matter.

Maybe I'm feeling sorry for myself, maybe I'm just missing my friends and the way things used to be.
Like I said, I wouldn't trade my girls for anything in the world, or my life.. Maybe, just maybe though, I would like a day, a week or a weekend to just kick back and enjoy (really enjoy) my friends!

Do you ladies have a way that you balance both your family and your friendships? What works for you? Is there a way to have a balance??

Wednesday, February 9, 2011

Men Suck!

It's vent day and I don't need to vent about my husband! I'm actually really liking him this week! (be jealous ladies! It's okay!! Besides, it won't last!) I'm sure after Valentines day, I'll be able to let loose again!!!

I just typed that line, and thought of something else to talk about tody!!! Scratch the complaining about housework again,, and back to husbands!!!! lol

Valentines Day!! When is it, Monday??! Great!!
I bet you that my hubby is sitting at work right now planning a very romantic weekend for us.. I bet you dinner reservations are made, babysitter is booked and he's probably getting ready to go pay for my roses!!
My guess is, that although he's probably "thought" about it, that thought hasn't gone any further!! (farther?? I dunno)

I have already planned to make something fun for Daddy with the girls, and I've been trying to think of something small to get him, wondered what to do for dinner, and I bet you he really couldn't care at all.

I have to admit, I'm not really a big Valentines Day fan. It really is a sort of stupid day!! However, I do like to be wined and dined every now and then.
I'm sure not ALL men are the same, but mine just doesn't have that romantic side to him!! (I've learned to accept it, but that doesn't mean I can't bitch about it!)  If I want to do something "just the two of us" or anything remotely romantic, like a dinner out or night away,, it's ME that plans it.
I don't think he has ever taken it in to his own hands to plan something for the two of us!
That's a lie! Over Christmas he arranged for my sister to take the girls so that we could go for a nice lunch and do some Christmas shopping, but I think that is because he was worried about me having a meltdown!! lol

Anyway,, my point is this...Men SUCK at romance! What is it with them? Why can't they take the bull by the horns and surprise us with something totally romantic?? Something to show us how much they love us and appreciate all that we do! After all,, we are the mother of their children!! (LOL)
I used to get upset and think that he just doesn't want to spend the time with me, but I know better now!!
What we see in movies and read in books just doesn't exist......does it?? (it doesn't, does it??)                        
For those of you that do have romantic men........ YOU SUCK!! Keep it to yourselves!! LOL
For those of you with husbands like mine......... let's vent!!!!!!

PS~ If for some reason my hubby pulls it together this year, i will be back to publicly apologize!!!

Tuesday, February 8, 2011


~"But I DON'T like chicken!"
~"I DON'T want anymore"
~"I'm NOT hungry!"

Hearing any of those statements once more in this lifetime, might just make me pull my hair out!!!
What is it with kids? Why won't they eat?
My 1 year old will eat pretty much anything I put in front of her (for now!).. her big sister though is a completely different story!

I think that I did everything "right"... As a baby, I gave her veggies, and meat, fruit last so that she wouldn't get to love the taste of sweet stuff first. I've always given her a little of everything to try.
Seriously though, the kids is like nothing you've ever seen before! Even since she was a baby, she could put a handful of something in her mouth. If there is even a small piece of meat in there,,, she pulls it out at the end. How does she taste that??

It was a little frustrating when she was a baby,, but now that she can vocalize what she does/doesn't want, its a LOT frustrating.
She doesn't like veggies, she doesn't like meat. She doesn't like pasta sauce.
What am I supposed to feed the child???

I know that most of what I'm giving her is high in this and full of that, and I know that is not okay, but I really just don't have the energy to fight about it every night.
I could spend hours shopping, reading, cooking, doing whatever I can to prepare the "perfect" meal that she will eat.. only to have her push her plate across the table and cross her arms across her chest!!!

So, Kraft dinner and wieners, Alphagetti, grilled cheese, pizza pops, pasta shells with butter, and Tim Horton's bagels all start to look a whole lot better in my eyes! When I'm at the end of my rope,,so be it!
She eats fruit and loves yogurt, but when it comes to veggies and meat,, she just won't have any part of it!

Some days, she won't even eat what she does like! (that really makes mommy angry!)

So many people tell me that she'll eat if she's hungry (maybe eventually, but we've gone hours and hours).That I should make her eat whatever is put in front of her.(they should try that for me!) I have tried threatening and not giving dessert (she doesn't care! She even tells people quite proudly "I can't have dessert because I was bad and didn't eat my supper).
Sorry people,, it doesn't work, and again,, I really don't have the energy or patience to fight with her every night.

In this day and age with the pressures of  Organic, and healthy, I can't help but feel guilty every time I give her something to eat. I mean, it's not like I want to be feeding my children food like this every day.
Maybe I'm being selfish. Maybe I should spend more time and energy trying to get the proper food into her.
What is the right answer?

My kids don't sit and eat chips and chocolate or drink pop every day. They don't get treats every time I go out or do the shopping, but they definitely don't have the healthiest of meals and they do eat Dunkaroos and Oreo cookies..
Look at what we ate when we were kids, we didn't have organic this and low fat that! For the most part, we're all still pretty healthy, right?
I'm not knocking anyone who follows a (much more) healthy lifestyle than me. In fact, I wish every day that I could be more like it! I have actually been trying a lot harder lately. However, I wish that we didn't have to feel so bad about giving our kids the only food that they will eat.
After all, it's not going to be like this forever. Everyone knows that kids go through this phase....right??!!!

I was hoping that some of you could leave me your thoughts and also some food suggestions. Anything that your kids eat and like, and meal ideas or snack ideas would be appreciated!!

Now, if you'll excuse me,, I have some Hamburger Helper to go make!!!  HA!!!

To Hold you Over

I have pretty sick little girl today, so i might be a little late with my post! Here are a couple of pictures from my fun weekend to hold you over.
I had no intentions of getting on the sled (as you can tell by the way I was dressed!), but when I saw how much fun my family was having without, I had to give it a try!!!
I think now, we're going to do this every weekend. It was so much fun, and so good for the soul.
It's amazing how going down a hill in the snow can make you feel so much like a kid again!!! I suggest that you all go find a sled (and some snow) and do it with your kids this weekend.
In fact, I think that I'm going to arrange an adults only night out sledding!! Peter and I had so much fun doing this together, and really, isn't that what life should be about??!
Don't forget to check back in this afternoon!!!

I am posting the link to the sleds that we were on. They are amazing!! I think you can ind them almost anywhere, and they are on sale at a lot of places right now.

Monday, February 7, 2011

Beware: Nasty Mommy!

I had all of these great ideas, subjects that I could talk about today, but I think its just going to be a vent blog again!
I'm just starting to get a cold, I've got two little girls getting sick and I've got my period to top it off! Yep, I'm NASTY!!
I was just huffing and puffing around the house and I thought, well, I may as well go bitch to the ladies!!

Today is one of those days that the smallest little things are setting me off! I know that they're small things, but I can't control it.

Every room that I was into, it's like something jumps in my face and says "I need done, I need dealt with!"
I swear to god, my laundry was done on Friday, yet every bedroom that I walk into, there is a pile of clothes screaming my name.
And of course there are still two baskets of clean clothes that need to be put away. Oh, and a pile on the chair in my bedroom. Clothes that I don't know whether are clean or dirty. Why? Because that is just where Peter throws EVERYTHING AND ANYTHING...

Every cupboard or closet that I open, something falls out at me.
My dog stinks from being outside and getting wet yesterday. This makes me realize that my floors need vacuumed AGAIN because the stinky dog is shedding like crazy and also because my children are little savages. (angels, but savages).
The "angels" by the way didn't get nearly enough sleep on the weekend, and they're not happy little campers. Oh the whining!!! I love the whining!!!
While I'm at it, why are 3 year olds so demanding and why do they have so many questions??!!!  I would pay a lot of money for 20 minutes of silence right about now!!

I have three bins of little girls clothes to sort through, but at this very second, I'm thinking that I might just throw a match to it.
I have no groceries, which means NO DINNER!!!
Oh, and I also have 4 passport applications that should have been filled out 2 weeks ago!!

With all of this to do, and all of my complaining, guess what I'm doing???
Sitting on my butt, typing my blog, wishing that I had a bag of Cheesies and can of Gingerale!!! (I don't though because I have no groceries!!)
So,, maybe I'll just sit, feel sorry for myself and watch soap operas instead!!

Nothing else is going to get done today!(the hubby even told me to sit and do nothing. He must be afraid!) 
As you can all probably tell, I've had enough!! I know that by next week, none of these things are going to be a big deal,, but right now,, these "little things" make me feel like I'm about to blow!! lol

I think this is one of those day that I wish I worked. At least I would be out of the house, and I wouldn't have to stare at all of the things that drive me crazy (plus there would probably be a vending machine close by with cheesies and gingerale!)

Thanks for listening once again ladies,,, hopefully some of you can relate to a day like this and I'm not the only psycho one!

Sunday, February 6, 2011


Yesterday, I caught myself wondering why the heck I look forward to weekends so much!!
Uggghhh!! Every week,, I can't wait until Friday comes, but by Saturday morning, I hate it!
Routine seems to go out the window and the house is more of a mess because the hubby is home.I'm not doing laundry because we're busy with other things and dishes always find themselves filling my sink.
I find myself more irritated than ever because it's supposed to be weekend, yet it seems to be weekend for everyone but me!! I'm now picking up after 3 children instead of 2, and i have cranky girls because their naps aren't when they should be and bedtime is later than usual!!
How is this a weekend for us mommies? Can someone please remind me why we look forward to them???

Talk to you all tomorrow!

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