No need to get into details of the evening, but from what I had of it, I had fun!
Money stresses me out in way that I can't even describe in words. It's something that affects every single day of my life. Whether it be thinking about the bills that need paid, or the extra birthdays this month, the fact that we need something new... Well, there's just always something!!
I remember before we had kids, we used to complain that there was "never enough money"! LOL!! I look back now and think to myself, DUH!!!! That's because we went out for dinner twice a week, had takeout once a week, went to the bar at least once on the weekend and then went out for breakfast on Sunday mornings. On top of it, we bought whatever we wanted for ourselves!! We "lived" life I guess you could say.
Unfortunately we weren't the smart ones that sat back and realized we should be saving for when we had children and I was home making no money!! (does anyone??) That being said, we did really enjoy life!
The thing that sucks for me is that I owned my own business!! That means NO maternity leave! Not a penny! Once I was off, I was off!! So, we went from having my "decent" income, to only Peter's. Here we were adding this tiny little money sucking creature and taking away a pay cheque every month!! GREAT!
It's amazing what you can do when you're forced to! We've gone over three years now with one income. I have to say, we really have done pretty good. We don't very often, "go without". That doesn't mean we don't have stress at the first of every month when all of the bills come out at once, or if we have something sudden come up, it doesn't mean that we haven't had weeks that we've lived from one cheque to the next, it just means that we've made it through. There have been
I think that the biggest stress for me in all of this, is the guilt that I have when I spend any little bit of money on myself! The guilt and the thoughts that I'm not bringing in any money or that I'm spending all of "his" money!
Am I alone with this one?
I feel guilty getting a haircut, or buying new clothes. I feel guilty going out with the girls and buying a bottle of wine + a bottle of vodka. Why??? I have no clue! Peter is amazing, and never ever has said anything about him making all the money.(I wonder if he thinks it??) It's definitely something that I do to myself.
I know that I'm contributing to our family in a way that in my eyes, is much larger than going to work every day, (not meaning that those of you that work isn't a big thing,, that's even bigger and I don't have a clue how you do it!) but yet I still feel like I don't "deserve" a new pair of jeans (or that really amazing bikini that I bought yesterday! lol)
It's kind of a catch 22 because I know that if I went back to work, it would take such a huge stress off of me in the money department. I could lose this guilt of spending money on myself. Yet, I know though that if I was to go back to work I would have the guilt of knowing that I left my girls just because I didn't want the stress of money and I would HATE every day that i wasn't home with them.
HA! There is really no winning. I know that I shouldn't complain as it's MY choice to stay home, but my gosh, it's another one of those things that they don't warn us about before we get pregnant. No one told me (unless I tuned them out) how tough it would be or that I would have guilt from simply buying a $6 tank top at Walmart!!!
I still think I'll take staying home over going back to work.. what do you ladies think?? Does anyone else have the guilt over spending money on themselves???