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Friday, February 18, 2011

It's worth it!

So everyone is quite aware of the week (or two) that I have had!!
Things have been tough. It has felt like there's been way more bad times than good times.
Or...  maybe it's it just that I haven't noticed the good times because I've been too busy focusing on the bad..

Sometimes, I get so stressed out and overwhelmed that I don't think I stop and appreciate all of the good things,moments, or the cute things that the girls might say or do. This is pretty upsetting, but I don't know what to do to change it.

I've had a tough time with Gracie this week. She's been extra saucy, and she's been doing whatever she can to test my limits. She even got in "trouble" (she tried to push someone out of a chair she for the first time at school. I've tried to look closely, to see if anything has changed. Sometimes I know that if even the smallest thing is off,, they're behavior will change as well. I really can't think of anything.. I'm sure it's just a phase! (I hope)

On Wednesday, I had someone tell me that there may be a huge Self Reflection (for me) in Gracie. (I don't know if I worded that right?) I'm not sure exactly what she meant. I was shocked though to see/hear a lot of myself in Gracie when I really stopped and played close attention to her..
Some of the looks on her face, some of the tones in her voice, and even some of the things she was saying to her sister or Peter and I.  It was kind of scary really. (not one of my proudest moments!)
Most of what I was seeing, weren't good qualities at all. It was the dirty looks, the angry looks, the "what did I tell you? I told you I wanted a cheeseburger"! (yes, my 3 year old said that to me this week!)
I was almost in tears thinking about it last night? Do I really sound like that when I talk to my children? Do I really look like that when I'm mad??
This is her "what did I tell you?" look!
Wow!! I've got some work to do!!

Today, I've really tried hard to pay close attention to my choice of words, my tone and my facial expressions. Hopefully its not too late!! Regardless, I'm going to work on it!
The thought of this self reflection thing though, is eating at me!! As the girls get older, I'm sure it's only going to get worse, right?? I'll have two of them looking like me then! Yikes! Gracie doesn't know that she's doing anything wrong, and she isn't really. Because of me, it's normal for her to talk this way.............Ahhhh!!

I put the girls down for their nap about an hour ago, while I  was tucking Gracie in, I thanked her for being such a good girl..... This is how our conversation went.

"Thank you for being such a good girl today Gracie, we've had a fun day, haven't we?"
"Yes mommy, I had a bad day yesterday, but I was a good girl today!"
"You were, and that makes Mommy SOOOO happy!"
"You know what makes me happy Mommy?"
"Your kisses make me happy and I love your tight squeeze!"
She then gave me the biggest, tightest squeeze ever.

I almost melted right then and there. No one has ever said something that made me feel so good!
This is the smile that I hope she learned from me!
That is when I realized that maybe it's not all bad things that I'm passing on to my daughter. Sure she's picked up some dirty looks,tones, and things she really shouldn't be saying, but she didn't get that sweet personality all on her own. The smile that she had when she said this to me? I can only hope that she learned that from me.

For today, I can stop beating myself up. I can be proud of this little girl and something that she has learned from me!
As I sat on the couch trying to figure out what I was going to post today, I decided that I had to share this with you ladies.
This one simple little moment with Gracie opened my eyes (today) and made me realize that it's worth it! It's ALL worth it. The sleepless nights, the messy house, the pile of laundry, the 10 extra pounds, it's ALL WORTH IT for these special little moments that we'll be able to hold onto forever!!!

Happy Friday Ladies! Don't work too hard!!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Gracie's face just lights up a picture...i really enjoyed this blog...Michael's been extremely cheeky lately...and I do agree that they shadow us but u are such an awesome Mom and really....they dont call them the TERRIBLE TWOs and TROUBLESOME THREEs for nothing!! Hope you're having a great weekend, lady
Im hosting the in laws should be a blog topic ;)

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