Yesterday, the girls didn't want to nap at the same time.. Those are tough days!
Something struck me yesterday though that I've been thinking about ever since..
I was playing with Lylah while Gracie was in bed. I had just finished changing her stinky bum and I lifter her up giving her kisses in the neck. I tossed her back down on the couch and started tickling her. Her giggle could have made a dog smile! (she has this giggle that is like nothing you've ever heard before) The funny thing is, she doesn't *really* like REALLY giggle that often. When she does though, it's the best sound ever.
Anyway, as I looked down at her, me laughing along with her now, I realized that I don't get to do that enough with her. I don' get to sit with just her and laugh, REALLY laugh.
Is it that I don't "get" do it enough, or that I don't have time, or that I don't MAKE the time to do it with her?
I then thought back to when Gracie was little and how much 1 on 1 time we got to spend with each other. How much time we got to roll around and giggle. It was all the time.
It's not that I don't want to spend that same quality time with her, the time just isn't there. It really hasn't been since she was born. Having a 2 year old when she was born really robbed her of the MOMMY TO MYSELF time.. How sad is that??
I do feel a little guilty about it, but at the same time, I know that there isn't a whole lot that I could have done to change it. I couldn't very well lock Gracie in a room every day for 1 on 1 time with Lylah.
Obviously, I love Lylah just the same,no more, no less. I just don't get that same level of one on one interaction with her as I did with Gracie.
I sat for a minute and wondered what it would be like if she would have been my first. Would I have enjoyed her a little more? Would she have a different personality? Would she be more dependent? Have I screwed her up for life?? LOL
OK, seriously, maybe i haven't screwed her up yet, but when she gets old enough to realize that all she got was hand me downs, there isn't a baby book or a scrap book for her, and that there aren't nearly as many photos of her,(or that any photo of her also has her sister in it), she's definitely going to be screwed up then! I'm seriously going to have to "fake" a baby book and photo book for her. What kind of mother am I??!!
Like I said, I don't love her any less, that would be impossible! Anyone that knows Lylah knows that she is just a little bundle of love with the coolest little personality, but unfortunately, I feel like I really missed out on that same level of "bonding" (for lack of a better word. Its 5:30am!)
Maybe it will be good for her, maybe it will make her that little bit more independent! Or,, maybe all of this is the reason that so many "second children" are so screwed up!!!!! (LMAO,, don't be a haters all you second children!) I'm the baby so I can say that!
Have a great day ladies,, I'm doing all my last minute packing today, giving a couple of pedicures and stressing beyond belief that I'm taking two children out of the country! Maybe I should start drinking the Pina Colodas now!!