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Thursday, May 26, 2011

For a Friend

I had a friend approach me a couple of weeks ago and ask me to cover a subject for her.

It was a subject that she was dealing with at the time. I'm sure that she probably still is, in a sense. She wanted me to cover this subject so that she could get an idea of how other women mommies feel about it, to see what their comments would be.

I immediately agreed to do it for her.. However, after thinking about it for a day or two, I decided against it.  It was just way too risky to talk about on such a public forum.. I'm trying to gain traffic, not lose it!

These past few days, I've been haunted with thoughts that keep bringing me back to this subject. Why wouldn't I discuss it? This is a mommy blog, and it does relate to mommies!

Its Reality!

The subject is ABORTION.... I KNOW, crazy me!!! They say that if you want to make a friend or enemy quickly, just bring up abortion! I'm doing this as a favour, don't be haters!

I've decided that what I'm going to do is this... I'm going to give you a quick background on the situation, and a bit of the email that I received. I will add a few of my own comments, and then I am then going to open up the comment section to all of you. After all, my friend wants to know how other MOMMIES feel on this subject,, not just ME!

My friend lost her baby at 27 weeks pregnant. With the devastation of this still being so fresh, she received news that someone very close to her decided to have an abortion. Apparently the abortion was due to the fact that a baby/pregnancy just wouldn't fit into the "mother's" lifestyle.
Obviously my friend is angry. I can't say I blame her........
Her feelings are very strong and I remind you that these are HER words, not mine.
I've taken bits and pieces from the email.....


Not only for the fact that she was having an abortion, but because it was her SECOND time opting for an abortion. Back in 2007 she also planned on having one, but made herself miscarry first. This girl is 23/24 years old and has been with this so called 'man' for years and years now. They change their relationship status as often as we change our underwear. She was almost 9 weeks pregnant, which means that she got pregnant around the time that we lost our little girl.

Instead of keeping the child and dealing with the lack of his and her responsibility, she opted to abort without a second thought.



I wouldn't respect any other murderer, family member or not, so would I make her the exception...?

I feel so strongly about this topic! I can accept abortion if it due to bad circumstances. But all because she can't keep her legs closed, for a lack of better words??  No no NO absolutely NOT! There is no need for anyone to get pregnant, if they are not prepared to have a child. There are so many difference types of contraceptives. From condoms, to IUD's and Rods, to surgery. So all because she's too irresponsible to use contraceptives, or keep her legs closed, she gets pregnant.
She then chooses to take that little life and throw it out the window like a piece of trash. Like I said in my status comment "One person's trash is another person's treasure."
I would have adopted that child in a heartbeat. If I had of known about the situation earlier, I would have definitely tried to sway her, adoption is ALWAYS an option. Her only problem is that pregnancy would 'cramp' her lifestyle. She sleeps all day, up all night - partying, drinking, doing drugs, and jumping into bed with every other guy.


So, that my friends, is the situation.. A tough one eh??
I have so many thoughts, feelings, arguments that I don't even know where to begin.
Without getting in too deep, I will say this...
I can understand abortion under 2 (and only 2) conditions.

1. If there is a medical condition involving either the mother or the child.. If the baby or mom is at risk of health problems resulting from the pregnancy, I can understand. If it is in the best interest of the baby and or mom, I get it!

2. If the pregnancy is the result of rape.. This needs no explanation..

Those are the only acceptable reasons for abortion in my eyes.. Like my friend said, there is adoption!

I know so many amazing women right now that would make the most wonderful mommies. So many women that can't get pregnant. These women would do ANYTHING to have the chance to have a baby in their arms. It breaks my heart to think that there are babies that could be placed in their arms, but instead, their little lives are terminated because "someone" doesn't want them.

That's it! That is all that I am saying..
Now, who out there is brave enough to leave their thoughts/opinions? Please remember that you always have the option of leaving an anonymous comment.. Just click anonymous when commenting..

I thank you in advance.. and I'm hoping that some of our comments, or even just one will give my friend a little more closure/ peace with this situation that she's been faced with!


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12 comments:

Anonymous said...

I have to agree with your two exceptions. I feel there is NO excuse for unwanted pregancies with all that is available to us women. Heck, you can even get it for free at most clinics. If you are in an active relationship or you know you are up for one nighters etc.....you really have NO excuse.
It also breaks my heart to hear or see people young or older who have children they really didn't want....and in some cases still don't want. I have a family member who would do just about anything to have a baby right now. She's in a loving relationship and just can't make this dream a reality.
I often wonder about women that have multiple abortions "just because" if they really realise the consequence of what this may be doing to their bodies?

Anonymous said...

You know what? I feel really sorry for your friend, I truly do and I can see how she would direct her sadness at her loss on this nit-wit who has treated life like how she probably treats her filthy bed sheets.

Saying that, it's probably best she did opt for an abortion. There are too many kids that suffer due to horrific parenting and it's fortunate that this one won't have to endure it. people like that tart don't adopt out their kids. They see them as cash cows and then abuse them because they have to provide basic care instead of being able to spend all their welfare benefits on themselves. or they neglect the child so badly they grow up, probably just like her (huge assumption there, but anyway.

I wish your friend happiness and hope in what is surely a desperately sad place her heart is in.

The Home C.E.O. said...

That's a tricky one. And as bad as this is going to sound: people make decisions every day that other people don't like. People go around drinking and driving and killing people. Being irresponsible and taking the life of someone else and some even get away with it.

In the end it is our own personal choice what we do. While i'm not pro abortion for myself, I do not judge others who do it. For me personally it is not something I would do. I have known people who have done it and I've supported their decision. Ultimately it's up to the individual.

It is sad when so many people can't have children and then others get pregnant when the wind blows. It is sad, and unfair, and it makes us angry.

I'm sorry for your friend's loss.

Sadie said...

First, I am generally pro-choice. I am of the mind that each unique situation must be treated as such and that for that reason there are no hard and fast rules about abortion. I am not at all saying that every situation deserves a free blanket pass for abortion to be a choice, but things happen, condoms break, the pill doesn't work, mother-nature goes haywire, etc. I guess what I'm trying to say is that genuine accidents do happen and although continuing the pregnancy and adoption are choices to be considered they both can (and do) have huge emotional ramifications that some individuals simply can't handle.

All that said, I have a HUGE problem when abortion is used as a first-line contraceptive and used repeatedly. I think this shows that an individual is not responsible enough, prepared enough or educated enough to be having sex. Sex has consequences - prevent them or deal with them, but don't abuse a medical procedure that some people genuinely require.

The most interesting part of this post is that this unwanted pregnancy and abortion seems to have been advertised to your friend (and likely others). What I would like to know is why someone, anyone, is so insensitive as to share such (private) information with others knowing that it might be hurtful? Whether the abortion was appropriate or not I don't know, but sharing this information with someone who has experienced a devastating loss seems unnecessarily hurtful.

Thought-provoking post! My heart goes out to your friend.

Anonymous said...

First I am so sorry for your friend and her TERRIBLE lose, she has not only lost her sweet baby but all those dreams and hopes she had for them. It breaks my heart! Please give her a HUGE massive hug from me...

as for the subject at hand I too am pro choice and have been in the situation where I have supported both family and friends in their choice. It was hard as I do not agree (for me).

I would say that from the email it seems that this person in question has a pretty thick head and your friend being upset or angry with them is only hurting her. This person has no care for herself, these babies or their fathers so why would she care what others think. It is hard to share the world with such people but all we can do is send our energy towards your friend to heal and hopefully get pregnant again. All other energy is wasted.

Sorry Sarah it is Nicole at Real Housewife of Oxford County but my blogger is not letting me stay logged in.
I think your a good friend to post this if your friend needs some support..
HUGS

The Home C.E.O. said...

i love all these comments.

Sarah said...

I haven't had a chance to get on all day, but I just want to thank you ladies for all of your amazing comments. Every one of you have made some really great points!
After reading them, I find myself realizing that I am actually more on the Pro Choice side of the fence.. AS LONG as,, (like Sadie pointed out) abortion isn't used as a method of contraception..
The fact is,, if someone close to me came to me and said they were considering it, I would support their decision. AS long as it wasn't due to complete neglect and carelessness...
I also love the comment that Sadie made about the fact that in this situation the abortion seemed to be "advertised" to someone that had just experienced a horrible loss... Why wouldn't it have been kept private??!!
Thanks ladies!! My new little community of friends is pretty awesome! I hope that my friend has read all of your comments. I'm surprised we haven't heard from her yet..

Mandy said...

Sarah, you have no idea how much I appreciate you doing this blog! I realize how big of a risk this could have been for your blogging world, but you went about it in a very mature way. I thank you from the very bottom of my heart.

Like you have said, all of these wonderful ladies have great views on the subject. I am very thankful to hear other's opinions without it being heard in a vulgar arguement (like I've been experiencing with this girl, and our shared family members). This 'girl' is actually a close cousin of mine who lives right nextdoor to me. I previously decided to keep all identities confidential once you posted this blog, but now feel the need to share the full experience with fellow readers.

I wrote this status on Facebook:
"I've said many times before - there isn't much I wouldn't give to have Emma in my arms again. I look around at the world I live in & there's woman killing their own children, not even giving them a chance at life. Emma's life was ripped tragically from my hands, forever leaving an empty place in my heart. Yet there's woman taking their child's life into their own hands & throwing it out the window. So damn upsetting!"

After a few comments on my status I realized that maybe I should apologize to my cousin since I was a little insensitive to her feelings...and to keep peace within the family. I did act on impulse since I was so angry after just hearing the news. So I went ahead and apologized saying this:
"I wanted to write you and apologize if my recent status hurt you in any way, shape or form. After a few comments on the status, I can only think about what my Mom always preached to me: "if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all." Unfortunately abortion is a very touchy topic for me and I acted on impulse. When mom told me I broke down in tears. I guess I was being a little selfish, thinking of myself and my own feelings...I didn't stop to think about how you must feel. I can admit when I've made a mistake, and writing that status is one of them. So please do accept my apologies! Much love and thoughts."

Mandy said...

Some of the things she responded with include:

"You're plain rude and not right clearly you have no respect for me at all"

"How would you feel if I said that some people should just stop having kid's when they keep having complication's like that and use protection"

"for you to relate your experience with mine is just retarded. it has nothing to do with u or what u went through. all u do is think about urself, ur very selfish and inconsiderate of other people's feelings. you need to grow up and act ur age ur very immature and u need to get a life. worry about ur own problems and not anybody else's"

So that ladies is how I get treated for apologizing. My step-sister said to me that "experiences shape and change us". I couldn't agree more. I was never as pro-life as what I am now. I could always accept abortion, whether I agreed or disagreed with the situation. But on March 7th I lost my little Emma, it has been a VERY difficult couple of months and things still arn't much easier now than the day it happened. I now look at abortion in a whole new light, or maybe I should say darkness...? So many woman can't have children, have lost a child, or is watching their child fade away...yet there's woman throwing their child's life into the trash. One person's trash is another person's treasure. I would have adopted that innocent little life in a heartbeat. With me and pregnancy, comes many complications. Lauren was born 10 weeks premature. So for me to give pregnancy another chance is terrifying, especially since we lost Emma, all because of a compressed umbilical cord.

I am going to end my comment with a few quotes once spoken by Mother Teresa...

"It is a poverty to decide that a child must die so that you live as you wish"

"By abortion the Mother does not learn to love, but kills her own child to solve her problems. And, by abortion, that father is told that he does not have to take any responsibilty at all for the child he has brought into the world. The father is likely to put other women to the same trouble. So abortion leads to more abortion."

"The greatest destroyer of peace is abortion because if a mother can kill her own child, what is left, for me to kill you and you to kill me? There is nothing between.

"I feel that the greatest destroyer of peace today is abortion, because it is a war against the child, a direct killing of the innocent child, murder by the mother herself."

TerinAleah said...

I agree with you completely! Those are also the ONLY two reasons that I do see abortion as an option! I also think she should have offered to have the baby and give it to your friend who just lost her baby! And even if your friend didn't want it, there are PLENTY of people who would!! A girl I went to high school with got pregnant at 16, her mom took her out of public schools and home-schooled her so she wouldn't get teased (and a lot of people still don't know that this happened.), then she had the baby, gave it up for adoption, and came back to school, telling everyone she went to live with a family member in another state for a while. Honestly, I give her kudos for being that strong at only 16, and that responsible to not kill the baby, but to give it to a loving home!!

http://terinaleah27.blogspot.com/

Sarah said...

@ Mandy,, Thanks for sharing the "whole" story..



@TerinAleah~ WOW!! I thought things like that only happened 50 years ago.. what an amazingly strong thing to do. What a lucky baby to be given a chance!!

Samantha said...

I ranted about my personal thoughts on abortion (it breaks my heart). I agree with your first reason - although i believe I could still not personally choose to kill my child, even if I were risking my own life... And i know for a fact that if I were raped and became pregnant - it would feel like 'one good thing' that came from the situation, so I wouldn't abort there either...
Check out my rant on Blogher at http://www.blogher.com/abortion-issue

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