I was talking with a girlfriend a while back, and our conversation has been stuck in my mind ever since.
She was telling me about someone she knows. This girl is pregnant and having issues with not feeling "connected" to this baby.
I've heard this so many times, and every time, I say the same thing...... "Tell her to come talk to ME"!!!!
When I first got pregnant, I really struggled with the fact that I wasn't feeling all of these emotions that I was SUPPOSED to. Sure, it was amazing that I was pregnant, and I was beyond thrilled, but did I have this instant connection to this little thing inside of me?? Absolutely not!
There was nothing that I liked or enjoyed about being pregnant, and maybe that played a part in it? Yes I loved the baby that was growing inside of me and I would have died had anything happened to her, but honestly, I didn't have those "overwhelming" feelings of love that so many girls talk about.
I just wanted the pregnancy to be over. For the baby to get here, so that I could finally look at her and see what she looked like.
I remember feeling like the worst person in the world, and I wondered if I was going to be a horrible mother.
I kept telling myself that I would have those feelings as soon as the baby was here.
We see it in the movies, and on the Baby Story shows, it's like magic when the baby is born.. This amazing moment, looking at your child for the first time, and not being able to breathe, or see through the tears because you're just so in love!
Yeah,, I didn't have that either!
Again, I absolutely loved this little peanut that was staring up at me, and I would have done anything for both of them the second that they were born, but I never experience that feeling that people say "hurts"....
I didn't have that magical moment of "OMG!! Love at First Sight" Again, yes, I loved them, but it wasn't like fireworks went off in the distance. People have asked me if it was a disconnected feeling? Nope, I was connected to them, loved them, just no overwhelming oh my god "it hurts" love....
So, my question is,, do these moments really exist, or are they moments that we just believe exist? Are these moments that we put pressure on ourselves to experience?
I know that there are women who say that they had all of these life changing moments, and I believe them. I actually envy them. But then, there are those of us (and I know I'm not alone) who didn't have our moment.
Maybe it's a bit of postpartum or hormones?? Maybe the whole experience is just so overwhelming that we don't stop and let those "moments" take over?
I've also wondered if maybe some of the drugs from my Csection took over and didn't allow me to "feel" the emotions. Maybe I was numb?
The reason that I've been thinking about this a lot lately is because these past couple of weeks, I've been having my MOMENTS. There are many times throughout the day lately that I tear up looking at my girls, that I could squeeze Lylah's cheeks right off of her because I love her so much and she's just THAT cute. The moments that my heart actually hurts when Gracie hugs me and tells me that she loves me. I am now feeling this overwhelming love that everyone talks about.. and I love it!
Why has it taken so long? I have no clue. Maybe it's because they are so much more independent now, and they interact with me more, they show me their love. I don't know! I've always loved my children more than anything in the world, and I'm sure some of you are doubting that right now. Maybe you feel sorry for me.. That's okay.
I just want to get the message out there.
To those moms that are feeling or not feeling all of those things that society tells us we are supposed to feel, IT'S OKAY!!!
You'll have your Moment. It might be tomorrow, and it might be a year from now. It doesn't make you a bad person, and it doesn't make you a bad Mommy,. In my opinion it makes you human..
I'm adding in a link to a discussion thread where people are discussing whether or not they had that "magical love" from the beginning. I was shocked to see how many were like me..
I love this comment that I saw while reading "You can't fight how your body and mind react to the instense change a child brings."
I'd love to hear everyone's opinion on this, did you have instant "magical love" with your children or did that come later??