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Monday, June 20, 2011

What a Day, Week, Month.......

I had a rough week last week..

I've got lots going on in my life, and then last week there was incident after incident that tested my emotional stability.
To most people, I probably seem like a pretty "strong" person. I fool them! Emotionally, I'm a bit of a loose cannon.. I'm aware of it, and I'm okay with it...
I felt like I was handling last week pretty well.
On top of everything else in my life, I ended up at the local emergency room 3 times.
Trip 1 was Gracie and Strep throat.. It was worse than it sounds though. She couldn't keep anything in her. Even a tsp of Gatorade found it's way out of her little body within minutes..
A couple of days later, it was my turn. I spent the day in the hospital with a "killer" migraine and viral sinus infection... Not fun.. Some crazy drugs, and some fluids,, fixed me up. They fixed me up alright, I was out of commission for the remainder of that day and the next..
Fast forward a day and and a bit, and I'm waking up to my 3 year old (with strep throat) trying to talk to me. Every time she got about 3 words out, she would do this little gasp for air.. Yep! Scary!
Back to the hospital we went.. On top of the Strep throat, she has croup..

It seems to be that we're all on our way to recovery physically, and emotionally, I think that I did really good. I was pretty proud of myself...
We had a great day yesterday for Daddy's day and I knew that when we woke up this morning, it was a new day, a new week. It's going to be a great one dammit!!

So, I got up this morning and told the girls we were going to Tim Hortons to get breakfast.. Mommy just really wanted a coffee (my Keurig is broken!!)
Away we go, singing away in the car...
I feel remarkably good today, so I must have been really on my game.
As I was approaching an intersection very close to our destination, I saw a mini van coming down another street towards us and towards a STOP sign.. I didn't think anything of it, but soon realized that she wasn't slowing down enough, and she wasn't looking in my direction to see if anyone was coming..
( I was driving straight ahead (obviously) and she was going to turn right onto the street that I was on.She would then be in front of me. Does that make sense?)
Anyway,, I hit my brakes and pounded my horn with more force than I knew I had in my body. I am so thankful that I was paying attention today..
I will never forget the look on this lady's face as she looked up and saw me coming directly as her drivers side door.
By the time both of us were stopped, I would guess that I was about 2 feet from her vehicle.
I stayed completely calm, hit the gas, and proceeded to get coffee. As I drove past the lady, her face was of pure devastation and I could read her lips enough to know that she was saying "Oh my God, I'm So Sorry!"
I feel sorry for her now, as I'm sure that she was probably needing to go home and change her underwear..

Gracie started asking a bunch of questions. What was that big bump? Why did I blow the horn so loud? Why did that lady throw her hands up in the air? Why did that lady almost crash our car? Would daddy fix our car?
I answered all the questions calmly, got our coffee and bagels, started driving home and then started shaking.
Then it hit me.

Any emotional strength that I had left in me, left me at that very moment. The tears flowed.. A weeks worth of crap, a year worth of crap, finally hit me.. (I'm good now though,, it's amazing what a good cry can do!)
The thoughts of what possibly could have happened  are haunting me. I'm sure that we would have been badly injured but I'm also sure that the lady in that other vehicle wouldn't have been as lucky..
In that instant, all of our lives could have changed.

I'm trying not to think about "what ifs" because I know that there is no point. Its hard though.

I'm not a religious person, but I believe in some sort of higher power, and I believe in angels. If I had any doubt before today, I no longer do.
Someone was looking out for my girls and I today, and I am so very grateful for that..
Now, I just need someone to look out for my emotional state and I'll be doing good! lol... I think I'll leave that to a glass of Merlot tonight. That is if I can stop shaking long enough to drink it..

I'm not really sure what the point to my post is today, I just needed to talk about it..
Today, I will hold my little girls a little bit closer and a little bit longer.
I learned today that it's true what they say.. It only take a second and our lives could be changed forever..
For some reason, I needed that reminder today,, and if my angels are listening "THANK YOU, I GOT YOUR MEMO,, LOUD AND CLEAR"..

Have a great day ladies.. and please be careful driving!
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Anonymous said...

I loved this post.... I know the feeling you mean and had a few reminders too lately, also loud & clear. I'm heading out in a bit so will take your advice. If you're around this aft (maybe if the girls are napping) please give me a call. I miss you terribly!!!

therealhousewifeofoxfordcounty said...

Oh Sarah THANK GOD!!!!!
Your path was to go a different way! THANKFULLY!!


NotSoSilentMommy said...

Thanks Ladies! It was scary,, my heart still isn't beating properly but it was a good lesson.. i know that sometimes I let my mind wander when I'm driving and I have to stop that!!!

I'm not going out for the rest of the day either!! lol
No So Silent Mommy

Sadie said...

And now....a deep breath! Gotta wonder what that lady's kids were like this morning????

The Home C.E.O. said...

great post!! glad you made it out of hell week in one piece!!

Mandy said...

Oh Sarah, for some reason your post suddenly turned my tear flow on full tilt. I so know where you are coming from, I too have been an emotional wreck for some time now.

About a month ago myself, Rob, and the two girls were heading to Toronto to see my mother. As we entered the 400 off the 401 traffic slow to a sudden stop, very quickly! Rob had to slam on the breaks and out of the corner of my eye I seen Lauren's face almost connect with the dvd player that was strapped to the seat in front of her. I quickly turned around and grabbed her car seat, which had ALL 3 STRAPS DISCONNECTED! Fury ran through every vein in my body, I start to shake and the tears just began to flow. What would I EVER do if I lost ANOTHER daughter?!?! I'm not absolutely sure, but have a good idea as to who undone her carseat and didn't strap it back in again. But to say the least, ALL family members and friends got their warning - if I EVER see anyone touching Lauren's carseat without mine/Rob's permission, I will break their fingers one by one.

Such a careless mistake could have turn into something unbelievably tragic, something that my emotions are not able to deal! It only take just one second for something to happen and it's too late.

It's sad how all of the not-so-obvious built up emotions come flying out when certain situations arise. Then you stop and think, 'I really am an emotion wreck!!' I think it comes with being a Mommy though!

I'm so glad to hear you're all safe and sound <3

NotSoSilentMommy said...

Wow Mandy! I'm glad that your little girl is okay.
It is so scary how fast things can happen.. it's really frustrating when that something is at the hands of someone else..
Thanks also @ Sadie and CEO... I made it through the week, but just barely... this week is turning out to be much better. bring on the wine.

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