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Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Lose Weight, End Marriage???

K, so call this a rant, a vent/bitch session... Call it what you want. I call it me being frustrated and needing to talk.. I tend to do that a lot, don't I??

Once again this weekend, I heard about another marriage crumbling..
Big deal right? Marriages crumble every day...

The thing that is starting to get to me though, is the fact that so many of the marriages that are crumbling have 1 main common factor.
A factor that makes me shake my head and wonder what the hell is going on...

I know of at least 3 marriages (with this factor) that have crumbled this year. Why? I don't know. Typically (unless something like adultery or addictions) people don't discuss the cause of the breakup.. That by the way, is fine by me. The less I know, the better!!

The thing (factor) that I notice in all of these separations, is the fact that in each case, the wife has just lost a bunch of weight..

What is with that??

Obviously if a marriage crumbles, there are some huge issues.. Issues that none of us want or need to know about. That being said, I would still like to know the reason these women are  leaving after they've lost a bunch of weight?

Again, I know that every situation is different and no one truly knows the ins and outs of a relationship but I can't help but think that these women are going to be very sorry in the future.

For the women that I know, I so badly wish that I could ask them what they are thinking..
These men have loved them though (literally) thick and thin. I've seen this with my own eyes. A couple of these men even met/married these girls when they were at their bigger weights..
Obviously these men love these women inside and out, for who they are, not what they look like.

I can't help but wonder if these women were with the men because they had no self confidence or esteem? Did they stay with these men out of fear that they couldn't find anyone else? Why is it so easy to leave once the weight is gone?

These women have not only gone and lost the weight, (which I think is fabulous) but then they have gone and grabbed a hold of new lifestyles.. Going out to the clubs, going out with their girlfriends, wearing clothes that they never would have before, and obviously they become completely different people. I've noticed the different personalities in them and it's not always for the best.
Confidence is one thing.....

As these women change, how could the marriage not?

I feel sorry for the men in these situations. They must feel like they've been hit by a train that they never saw coming. These men (the ones that I know) haven't changed. They're going about their lives the way they always have. All of the sudden their wives lose 30lbs (which I'm sure they're thrilled about too) but turn into different people with different attitudes and interests. Maybe that is the problem? Maybe these women expect that the men will change, and when they don't, they lose interest.

In my own head, once again, I'm just trying to figure out whats going on here. I'm sure that this could be a very controversial subject with many different opinions,,, but I want to hear them. I want to hear what you ladies think.

Why do so many (not all) women change so drastically after losing weight, and what makes them want a life overhaul?? Will they regret it, or are they just finally going after the life they've always wanted? Were they settling when they had the extra weight??

I know for me, when I lost my 40lbs after Lylah, it brought Peter and I closer. We have fun trying to eat healthy together. It also makes me so happy to know that he loved me no matter what. He loved me at my biggest and he loves me at my smallest. Sure I get some more looks now that I'm back to my normal size. Those looks can be great for the confidence levels, but not great enough to leave my husband who's been there and loves me no matter what.

I fear that these women are falling for the "grass is greener" theory. When they realize what they've lost along with the 20, 30, 40 + pounds, or when they get tired or their new "fit" friends, or running buddies, or maybe even when they gain the 20,30,40 pounds back, they're going to be surprised..

What do you guys think?? I'm sure if I've seen 3 marriages fail after the wife losing weight, you ladies have too... What are your opinions???

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cssolomon said...

Came across your blog through topmommyblogs. Love this post - I agree, I'm in the process of losing my baby weight (he's a year now, but there's not a time limit right? :) I've become closer to my husband. I feel more self confident around him...I know he loves big me or smaller me, so why would I want to mess with a good thing? :)

whosyourmommie said...

Wow. Women can be strange. I was pregnant back to back so I never had a chance to lose weight. My husband loved me anyway. I was very thin then very fat, now I'm finally getting back to normal, but it sure is a roller coaster. I have to say that I love my husband because he doesn't care what I look like. I have noticed that women who have ALWAYS been big that lose weight for the first time in their lives go a little ego crazy. They have never experienced the boost of being a "hot tamale". Not sure if thats the case, but I think its wrong and they are in for a rude awakening.

Mandy said...

Ungrateful b*t*h*s if you ask me. Pardon my language but that is exactly how I feel. These woman had true men stand by their sides, through 'thick and thin', then they threw them to the wayside because they lost some weight, and appearantly became too good for their husbands. Eff that, that's not love, makes me wonder why they EVER got married in the first place.

This urks me to no extent. The grass IS NOT always greener on the other side. These women will set out in search of a new 'fit' boyfriend that's only going to accept her for the 'fit' woman she has become. What about if/when they have children, or she gets depressed and starts eatting her problems won't take long before her ass is kicked to the curb...then she'll run back to that wonderful (ex)husband who loved her for who she was, not what she was, the one she had taken for granted.

It's so true when they say "good guys always come in last"

Sadie said...

Interesting. I guess I'm of the opinion that it depends on why they put on weight and why they decided to lose the weight in the first place. Personally, I feel like I've been trying to lose weight forever. My husband supports me no matter what and is quite fit himself. BUT, if he had poor self-esteem himself I could see how me getting fit might be threatening and then who knows what would happen. I often wonder if in situations like these the women got married for the wrong reasons to start - low self-esteem, married the first/only person who offered out of fear, then change their lives and realize they didn't marry for love. Two sides to each story and I'd like to hope that people aren't so shallow as to leave their partner b/c they think their "hot bodies" can help them "do better". Reverse the situation a man gets fit and leaves his wife, a spouse gains weight and someone leaves....none of it really is okay. Divorce, etc is just too easily accessible, in my opinion.

KL said...

I can't believe you called me out on your blog. You stupid, skinny bitc..... just kidding. I'm assuming you are not blog friends with these woman?? lol
These woman might be surprised to find that the guys will have an easier time finding a partner then they will. Isn't that how it always goes??
Great Conversation starter.

NotSoSilentMommy said...

LMAO @ KL!!! Even if she was on here, I'd probably still put it on.. That's just me..
Thank you all for your great comments. I had a feeling that this post would get some comments flying..
I guess the main thing is to remember that we don't know the whole situation. I guess technically the man could be causing the issues out of jealousy etc... I still can't help but wonder though,, if the weight loss brings on some personality changes...

RoryBore said...

I've seen it time and time again. on both sides. new look = new attitude. out with the old, in with the new. For some weird reason instead of sticking with the person who saw you and loved you at your worst -- you can't stand being around them because they KNOW that. They want someone who DIDN'T know them way back then. Plus, it is a bit of "wow - look at me. wow - look at all this attention. I rock. It's my turn now baby...I am giong out and getting mine!" So I would be inclined to agree that previously, yes, they did settle, somewhat. But's a whole new ball game of what can I get?
Great convo starter!

KL said...

Sarah... that is why I love reading your blogs. I'm from the school of "If I can't say it to your face I won't say it out loud". Good for you for being so open and honest.
I read your blog everyday and love it.
Thanks for making me smile :)

NotSoSilentMommy said...

@rore~ Thank you! I agree with you 100%
KL~ You're the best!! I love finding women with the same attitude as me!! I am who I am and although many would love to see me change,, it's not gonna happen!! lol

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