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Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Defensive..

***WARNING~ THIS IS A RANT,,, AND A VENT SESSION, AND KINDA POINTLESS***

You are all pretty aware that I had a yucky day yesterday...

I think I'm PMSing. (which may or may not be known for making me a little crazy) I'm not really sure (about the PMSing) though because I don't actually "Get" my period since having the IUD placed..
I know!! It's great! And for more reasons than the obvious...
Now, because we don't know when I'm "in" that week of PMSing, I always have an excuse for being a psycho!!


Anyway.. I had a crappy day. I had lots to do, and I think thought, that I got lots done.
Sure, I probably could have gotten more done, but ... I didn't.

What did I get done?

I got the dishes all done, the house vacuumed, the floors mopped. The windows and all glass was Windexed. The main floor washroom was cleaned, 3 loads of laundry were folded, the backyard was tidied up, the flowers and grass in the back was watered, my kids were fed, twice. My kids were played with.My kids were dressed.Toys were picked up about 50 times. I wrote a blog post, read some blogs, and spent half an hour sitting in the sun..

I felt pretty good about my day.
I had planned on sitting out in the sun for 30 minutes while the girls napped. Then, I was going to come in, shower, water the front flowers, and fold some more laundry.

On my way in, I got a message stating that we were going to have company in 20 minutes..
So, I tidied up the laundry that was out, and woke up the girls..

The company came and we had a nice visit. Peter got home while they were still there. (which was fine because it was his family)

About 5 minutes after walking through the door, he said "did you water the flowers out front today?" No "Hi, how was your day?", no kiss! Just this question. It was a more of a statement than a question, and I immediately got my back up..

In my head, I was thinking "Obviously when you walked in, you saw that I didn't get to watering those flowers, so why bother asking!"...
When I said "no", I didn't get much of a response.. When I tried to explain why I didn't get to it, I still didn't get much of a response... then I got mad...

I understand that we had a busy weekend. I understand that he worked all day and was extremely tired, but I also understand that I was tired, and worked all day as well...
No one said that he HAD to water the flowers, but even if he did... it would have been the only thing he had to do.
He didn't have to make the girls dinner, he didn't have to bathe them, he didn't have to get them ready for bed, and he didn't have to tuck them in and read them bedtime stories...he didn't have to finish the laundry.
I gladly would have watered the flowers if he wanted to do all that...

I know that I'm probably being a little crazy,, but why does something that I didn't get to, have to be pointed out before all of the things that I did do??

And why am I so mad? Why am I so defensive?

Obviously it's because I'm feeling guilty, because I know that I probably did have the time to water those stinking flowers but chose to sit outside instead..

So what did I do?? I stopped talking to him, slammed a couple of doors, stomped around mad, got the watering can, and watered the flowers.. It took me all of 5 minutes..

So, now as I sit here typing this, I question whether I am mad at him, for asking a dumb question, and pointing out something that I didn't do rather than all that I did do, or am I mad at myself for not taking time to do the few little things that I could have.. Am I defensive because I know I should have done it??  I most certainly am.. My poor hubby!!

Do you ladies ever do this? I totally caused an argument because of my own guilt..
Was I wrong to do that, or is it just something that women do??

Even if I was wrong, it shouldn't have been a big deal that the flowers weren't watered!!!

I don't think I'm going to say "I'm Sorry", but I'll let it go..  for now!

xo

8 comments:

Brainless Housewife said...

Don't feel bad. He should have just done it when he saw that it wasn't done. Teamwork! My husband points things out to me all the time and I just give him the evil eye.
I hope you have a better day today!

XOXO

The Brainless Housewife :P

NotSoSilentMommy said...

Thanks! I guess it's because my hubby NEVER points things out that I haven't done, so I'm probably over sensitive to it.
Oh well!!

Amy said...

I agree with the first commenter. HE should have done it if he saw it wasn't done. That's what my husband does, and he KNOWS I ask very little of him and I am pregnant and tired. He's heard me throw up enough times over the phone while at work to know that I am not making up how sick I am during the day. He knows I always get his laundry done at very least and he can handle a few messy dishes. There really isn't much that needs to get done here.

My husband also gets up at 3:45 am every day and works until 4 pm. He erects steel buildings and works in the Louisiana sun. Each day he comes home literally drenched in sweat and he has to take supplements because working all day in the sun really makes him sick.

I think your hubby needs to think about THAT next time he wants to tell you a 5 minute job didn't get done.

Oh and if you think my husband sounds perfect, no lol. He still waits until the garbage is over flowing and backed up before he takes it out. You can't win them all!

therealhousewifeofoxfordcounty said...

oh sweet sarah I do this all the time! and I get my back up and after wonder why? I am always tired so I use that but it is mostly cuss I want someone to say that it is okay to be tired for our job as much as it is if you go outside the home. I work from 530-9pm and then go back to work at 330 for an hour sometimes.

I hope your week picks up!
Cheers glad to be back and reading your blog :)

KL said...

Sarah,
This is so normal. I would like you to know that I am 100x worst then you. I have a little running tap in my head of all the things I get done in a day vs. what he does.
Morning -get Kid (and self) ready and drive her to daycare check! Work all day, get groceries, pick kid up Check! Make dinner, play with kid, clean up, wash kid, put kid to bed Check... what has he done.... worked, ate "my" dinner, relaxed check! Wait where is the figuring out what to eat and making sure the kid is happy. This was how I felt last night. This is not the routine every night but last night I was ready to get myself a wife :)
My advise for you is tell your husband you heard it was going to rain and this is why the flowers were not watered. It's Mother natures fault!

Spanish Pinay said...

What happens most of the time for me is when we need to go out and I have to do ALL the preparations and pack all the things we need to pack for both him, our 14months old and I. He'd be sitting or doing his own thing the whole time. Then when we are about to leave or already outside the door, he'd start asking if I packed this or that. That annoys me to no end because he could have said that before while he sees me packing OR better yet, he could have HELPED me packing! Then I'd get mad then I'd feel guilty for getting mad because he'd never get mad at me for getting mad at him... I hate when this happens.

Spanish Pinay

nateandkatesmom said...

You have every right to sit down for 20 minutes! I would be mad too. If it was obvious that the flowers weren't watered, he could have done it, or helped with the girls while you did it. I spit fire, if my husband questions what I did all day....which he knows NOT to do. Lucky for him he is definitely a do-er and will just do what needs to be done!

NotSoSilentMommy said...

Thanks ladies!! It's so nice to hear that I'm not alone..
I think that I was mostly upset because my hubby NEVER says a word about the things that aren't done.. NEVER... he would never question me on anything, so i think it shocked me.. When I look back now, I think he really was just asking me if it was done or not, but my mood interpreted it as him being rude..
You have to love hormones!!!

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