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Thursday, July 14, 2011

Mean Kids....

**Sorry, this is a long one!**

I've debated blogging about this for a while now...

I guess the fear of  someone knowing that I am talking about them, or someone disagreeing with what I am saying has been what holds me back..

I realized last night, after a family trip to the park, that I no longer care..

Judge away people, judge away!!

We decided after dinner last night to take the girls to the park. The girls played for a little while and then Gracie spotted a little girl and her brother playing.

Let me tell you that Gracie is a very social person. She loves people and she loves kids. She wants to be friends with everyone. (We've had one incident that she didn't like a little girl, and I have no idea why, but we dealt with it)

Anyway... Gracie walked over to where the little boy and girl were playing in the sand, and plopped down next to them. She didn't say a word, just smiled and started to play on her own. She kept looking at the little girl, probably hoping that they would talk to her. The little girl, looked at her, and swung around, turning her back to her while continuing to play.

I didn't see it, but my husband did. When he told me about it, my heart broke a little.

image credit
My heart continued to break as I watched Gracie follow the two kids around the playground. Where they went, she went. They both continued to keep their back to her.
The little boy was probably too young to know better, but the little girl was just a little brat..

I glanced over at the Mother, who was sitting on a park bench watching. She didn't care. Unbelievable.
Maybe she didn't know what to say, maybe she didn't want to embarrass her child, or maybe her child was just like her.

She was one of "those" moms! When we arrived at the park, I looked at her and smiled. (as I always do. I don't want to make friends at the park.. we all know that I'm not a park mom fan. However, I am a nice person. I smile, maybe make small talk,, whatever) When I smiled at her, she looked away. Whatever!
I don't care how you treat me, but I care how my child is treated.

Obviously this little girl behaves like her mother..

This probably doesn't seem like a huge deal right? It's not really, but I am so tired of seeing my little girl treated this way.
I used to pick her up at school. She would say goodbye to everyone when she left. She made a point of trying to say goodbye to everyone. There was one little girl that scowled and turned her head every time Gracie said goodbye.
Again,, my heart would break.
It didn't matter to Gracie that the little girl turned her head. Every day, she continued to say goodbye to her.
How hard would it be for this little girl to say goodbye to my baby? Why is this little girl so rude, and how did she get that way?

I asked Gracie one day why she continues to try with kids who ignore her... her response "That's okay mommy, I should still be friends."... I so badly want to say "NO!! NO, don't try to be friends with them. They are rude, and they're making you look silly." Instead, I smile and tell her that she is amazing.

I've started to worry lately. What if this happens at school? What if no one is ever nice to her?
Is it Gracie? What about her don't these children like? Is she going to be the kid that is bullied, and that is constantly trying to get people to like her and play with her??

She doesn't look different! She doesn't smell! She's clean! She wears nice clothes! Besides,, none of that should matter!

Seriously, I'm losing sleep over this.

As a parent, I try to teach my kids that everyone needs friends. We don't have to like everyone, but we have to be nice. We don't want to hurt feelings, we don't want to make others sad.

I wish that all parents could be on the same page with this.

If I saw Gracie being rude to another child or ignoring someone that was trying to play with her. You can be assured, that no matter where we were, I'd be giving her an attitude adjustment...

I'm a firm believer that these kids (the ones ignoring my baby and breaking my heart) will be the bullies in school. Why not stop them at a young age??
I will forever blame the parents of these children for not doing something about the way their children behave.

My heart breaks for my little girl, but at the same time, I am so proud of her.
She is such a friendly, happy little girl that wants to be friends with everyone. (except that one little girl which I still feel bad about) She doesn't care what people look like, what colour their skin or hair is, how old they are, she just wants friends..

I hope she never changes...

So mommies!! Please watch your children... please make sure they're the nice kid on the playground...
The mommies of the other nice kids will love you for it!!









227 comments:

1 – 200 of 227   Newer›   Newest»
Blog Rehab said...

She sounds like a very sweet girl, and almost everyone will appreciate that. She might even end up in middle school being the person who gets the award at the end of the year for always being nice to everyone! I guess there are always a couple of meanies who try to ruin a nice encounter. At least you don't have the opposite problem!

Aspiring New Moms said...

Your daughter sounds like such a sweet, precious girl. I think it is wonderful that she is naturally friendly and kind to people - a reflection on you ;) I have also witnessed rude, mean children and almost always their parents are also rude/snobby. Thanks for this thoughtful post.

therealhousewifeofoxfordcounty said...

Hey Girl, I think you should encourage her to keep it up. I think even if that girl is nasty to her when she says goodbye Gracie should have to change.. Bring on the ray of sunshine and let it shine on that cloud of attitude. Your 100% right it is the parents and most likely that poor kid does not know any different.

One time this happened to Jax and I pulled him aside and asked if he wanted me to help him make friends and he said NO if they don't like me that is okay. AHHHH I wanted to tape it and play it for him in highschool.

Be so proud your sweetie is not the rude one and I try not always but Try to put myself in those little peoples brains and think all they want is to be like their parents and sadly their parents suck as role models... not that i am perfect but still I for sure don't teach my kids to be rude.

therealhousewifeofoxfordcounty said...

sorry I meant to say Graceie shouldn't have to change NOT she should change ha ha tired today

Kathy said...

Whenver we have encounted a child like that I make it a point to talk to my child and am very clear that the problem is their's, not his. I want him to find people whe acept and like to play with him, there are always more freindly children than children who are shy or mean. I think as long as she knows she is who she is you should let her smile to whoever she wants to. We have also learned that we never know why someone is being rude or quiet. Maybe they had a fight, maybe the child or the mother has an issue, there are a million reasons. None of them having anything to do with us. I also would bring things for my child to play, then they could choose to share or not. I think it is hard when we see our kids get rejected becuase it may remind us of our own rejections, but the kids don't have that baggage yet. Anyway, just my oppion!! Take care!! Playground politics is hard!!

Peace Love & Poop said...

I have witnessed mean girls too and it is heart breaking. I actually do a childcare while moms work out and I notice this time to time. We always try and explain why you need to include people but sometimes they just do not want to listen or get it. It is so sad.

New blog follower! Come follow back and enter my great giveaways! http://www.peacelovepoop.com

expatmammy said...

I know exactly how you feel my wee man is too yound to make friends at the moment but some Mammies are just darn right rude. I'm not asking to be everybodies friend I have my own friends but I smile wouldn't kill you!! Mammies should support each other!! Great blog we'll be deffo coming back

Shanda said...

I am sooo sorry. I remember how other kids treated my kids..and I would just hurt for them....right into high school and college. Unfortunately when children are brought up that way they don't know any different until, hopefully, later in life.
I am glad you posted this and it doesn't matter who reads it. I wish I had of had the guts to confront parents when my kids were small.

Carolyn said...

Hey Sarah, I know that I don't comment often, you know me, lol, but when I read your post my heart broke for Gracie as well. I have seen it happen you my boys and I know exactly how you feel. I have just wanted to cry.

I just wanted to say that Gracie is one the most beautiful, open hearted, accepting, generous, ( I could easily go on), that I have had the pleasure of meeting. She just makes me smile and lights up my heart. She has always been so kind and loving to my boys even though she doesn't get to see them too often. That little girl is going to go SO far in life with her beautiful personality, not to mention that she is beautiful!!!!! I love her as if she were my own.

Those "punks" will one day want to be friends with Gracie. They can only hope that she will still be as open to them.

I love you Gracie Jean. You are my ROCKSTAR!!!!!!!! xoxoxoxoxo

Carolyn

Caffeinated OC Mommy said...

Sarah Darling, you're a GOOD Mommy! Hopefully Gracie will always be the colorful rainbow where ever she goes. Mean kids may or may not turn into mean grown ups, you just never know how the story will end, but allowed to be around a rainbow like Gracie, sometimes makes the storm clouds go away and they can believe that sunshine is around the corner. Cups Up to believing in rainbows! xoxo

Sadie said...

First off, good on Gracie. I love her 'kill 'em with kindness attitude'. It is the best way to be and in a round about way will probably make school easier for her. Happy go lucky, and all that.

Second, I'm one of THOSE moms who would be right in there with the "hey, guys let's build something together." I don't care if the other parent is ignoring me I'm not going to ignore them or their kids if my child is trying to interact

Third, we dealt with bullying at school this year (SK) and it was unpleasant, but very minor and Sophie learned a lot. She was hurt and moved on. We also had an incident when Sophie was three and another child was pushing her intentionally and repeatedly at the library. I ignored the first two times hoping mom would step in and the third time I gave the kid what-for. Unpleasant yes, but my point is your gut instinct will let you know when to step in and when to let her figure it out herself.

Great post!

Optimistic Mom said...

I agree with you. Parents need to direct their kids on how to play with others, and just be nice!
I commend you for blogging about this topic, honestly it needs to be talked about more.

High five to you!

SortaSuperMom said...

Unfortunately its a horrible cycle. You're probably right- those kids will turn out just like their parents and their kids will end up just like them. Thankfully, your daughter's kids will probably turn out like her, so there'll be a small balance.
~SortaSuperMom
http://confessionsfromboystown.blogspot.com

Mrs.Moose said...

Unfortunately Sar, this won't be the end of that. Boys experience it aswell. Keagan is much like Gracie, he just wants to be friends with everyone. I have seen this happen to him aswell. I think a big lesson they can learn is that not everyone WILL except them or want to be friends with them, but as long as they know who THEY are and that they are a good people that's all that matters. It's aweful to watch...that I totally understand, but unfortunately not all parents see what we see. I also try to remember that I'm not always around my kids and they two could be "the bad kid"....I really hope not, but all we can do is hope that we have tought them to treat people how we would like to be treated.
I think this is one of the hardest parts about being a parent. We just want our kids to look back and say "wow I had a great childhood!".

Laura said...

I can 100% relate to you. My son, Avery, is sooo sensitive. I worry about him so much. He's only 3, but I see the way he cares so deeply about other people, animals, etc., and it breaks my heart because he's so...fragile. Keep this in mind: your daughter is wise. Yep. We want so badly to save them, to teach them to treat those who treat them poorly the same way. But your daughter knows how you should treat others, despite their actions. Hence, she is wise. We lose that wisdom as we grow older. Some say we gain it...in some regards we do. But if you sit and watch a child, it will amaze you how in tune they are with what's right. It's amazing.

With that said, from one mother to another, I feel ya.

Conceiving a Girl said...

Visiting from VB -

Oh my, your daughter is so sweet!

And excellent point about social skills - where did they all go in this world?

Awesome post!

Find me at www.insightfulmommy.com

NotSoSilentMommy said...

Wow!! I so wish that I could reply to each of you individually!!
Thank you all so much for your kind words and support.
I know that Gracie is a very special little girl, and her innocence is so special right now.
I think that is what breaks my heart when I see these other kids rejecting her.
What breaks my heart even more is the fact that she doesn't see the bad in them.
When we got home that night, I asked her if the little girl was kind of mean, and she said "NO MOMMY, She was a nice girl" Yet, I very clearly saw the little girl treat my baby so poorly.
I wish that I had the ability to see things the way she does.. Only the good in people!!
She will definitely be just fine, I know that, for now though, it just kills me to watch people treat her like this...
Thanks again for all of your comments!!
I'm saving them ALL for her to read one day!
xo

Hot Air 1 said...

My baby hugged repairmen.(we talked about it and she learned not to, but she was just so sweet, loved everyone!) Killed me when the snippy little preschool girls were hateful to her. She's 18 and the sweet friendliness has transfered into a smart, tough, sweet young woman.

Jackie said...

I just had to stop and say, wow!! What amazing amount of character your little girl already possesses! It seems to me that she already has the qualities of a much higher level of understanding than most children her age. And very emotionally secure!! Just the simple fact that her kindness and compassion is NOT AT ALL hindered or altered by someone else's lack thereof is extremely RARE.. and definitely something to encourage and be proud of as a mommy. Most adults never really even reach this level of self-awareness or independence in mentality!
It breaks my heart too, to see my 2-yr old son interact with other children sometimes when his warm and smiling "Hi!!" gets a silent, cold, or rude response. I think of what kind of world I've brought him into and wonder how long his sweet, innocent, friendly nature will last after so many moments of rejection. I just pray to God that he won't conform! I pray that he won't try to find his value or worth through the eyes of others, but stay true to himself, and know that he is loved by Someone far greater than anybody or anything he could ever imagine!!
Anyway.. thanks for such a great post, and keep up the fabulous job your doing as a mommy :)

Mandi said...

What a great post! Your daughter sounds like such a sweetheart. <3 I know exactly what you mean, I've experienced those heart breaks as well. Keep doing what you're doing and supporting and encouraging her friendly nature.

Mandi
Smile and Mama With Me

Felina Baltazar said...

Your post makes me cry. My son is only 2 and that thought comes across my head sometimes. The only time I saw a kid be mean to him was at our local gymboree. This MUCH OLDER little girl (maybe around 4yrs old) snatched the ball from my loving little guy. It broke my heart to pieces. The mom just stood there and watched as well. You're a strong woman and I am so proud of you for dealing with the situation with class. I honestly don't know if I would have done the same. I wish I met you at a park. I know our kids would be great buddies.

Take care,
Ria (New follower from bloggymoms.)

NotSoSilentMommy said...

Thanks Felina!
Its so hard to see our children treated this way. My heart breaks all the time when other girls treat my girls like this. I know it's early but lately I really think that the problem is jealousy.. I could be wrong!!
I hope that as your little one grows up, you're not faced with it too much.. It's not fun!

NotSoSilentMommy said...

Thanks Felina!
Its so hard to see our children treated this way. My heart breaks all the time when other girls treat my girls like this. I know it's early but lately I really think that the problem is jealousy.. I could be wrong!!
I hope that as your little one grows up, you're not faced with it too much.. It's not fun!

Anonymous said...

Whoa... hold on a minute.

Did you ever stop to consider that these other people might not just be shy?

Just because a person ignores your positive, friendly, absolutely non off putting daughter does not mean that the person thinks they're "above" her.

Socializing is a TALENT. Though you and your daughter are both sociable, you seem to take your ability and inclination for granted. It's very possible these "mean" kids are SHY.

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