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Wednesday, August 31, 2011

IT'S NOT HARD... I DID IT TOO!

Hopefully all of you read my SATURDAY FAVOURITE this week. If you haven't, click HERE to catch up.

I received a comment after that post. A comment that I couldn't resist posting about.. and discussing..

That's a great post! so, so true. My mom made a comment last week that she couldn't understand why so many moms are complaining about how hard motherhood is. we never did that in my day, she claims. hm, really? Was it all the available drugs? because it seems to me you would have had to do the same stuff I do each day...and you Never found it hard? as a single mom - truly? But this post I think tells why....nobody bothered my mom when she was raising me. people minded their own business and let you do your thing. there were no play dates, or mommy clubs to breed competitiveness. no "tsk, tsk" over choices made. Her mom (my grandma) certainly wouldn't have interfered the way she can interfere with my children. And I think that is a huge difference in our society. Back then, you just tried your best and hoped for the best. But we, we are supposed to be so much enlightened and together. That's a lot of pressure for something that is essentially an on the job training position!


I was SO happy to hear that this, right here, is a NORMAL situation.

I don't know how many times, I've complained or made a point of saying something, only to hear "Oh you don't have to tell me about that, I had 3 of you, remember?"

Grr.... not really the response that I'm looking for when I'm having the kind of day that I want to commit myself to a mental institute.
I don't want to hear comments about how "back in the day, it was much tougher than it is today."

SAYS WHO??!!!!

It makes everyone else happy... Grrrrr...
Was it tougher back then?
Would "they" feel different if they were to do it all over again in the society that we live in? Today?

Also, one minute they're saying that they never complained, and that they managed motherhood without complaining, but in the very next sentence, they're saying it was "tougher back then".....

I don't know about all of you, but if I have a moment (or 10) that I'm complaining, I'm not doing it for sympathy. I'm doing it because I need to vent. I need to get it off my chest.

OBVIOUSLY I know that everyone who has kids goes through the same things, obviously I know that it's hard for everyone, and it's not just me.. BUT.... at that very moment, that moment that I'm literally pulling my hair out and on the verge of tears, I feel alone.

I do feel like the only mother in the world who has ever wanted to run away, who has ever felt like the worst mother in the world. There are times that I feel like the only woman in the world who has had to deal with two toddlers having tantrums at the same time...

I'm not looking for sympathy, I just need to get it out.. Let me have my moment!! PLEASE!!
I'll be fine in a few minutes, but good lord, let me get it out, and please don't insult me while I'm doing it..

Comparing me or pointing out the obvious isn't going to make me feel better.

Maybe when other women do this, its the age old case of people "forgetting" what its really like to be in a situation.

Compare it to pregnancy. When you're going through those 9 months, it's hell.
Once the baby arrives, you say "that wasn't so bad, I could do it again."
We then become instant experts to all of the other pregnant women in the world..

Maybe when our kids are a little older and a lot easier, we'll look back at these days with a really distorted vision of what it was like and tell all new mothers to stop complaining, we went through the same thing, and that we never complained!! LOL

I don't know!! What is your opinion??

I'll be continuing my Family Matters subject tomorrow.. I want to talk about how we act/parent different when our  families are around.. Oh yes, it's going to be a good one!
XO

143 comments:

Lisa said...

I totally agree. TOTALLY. Every time I tell my MIL something my son does, she always has to "one-up" me by telling me how what my husband did was SO MUCH WORSE and how payback's a bitch.

Really? Because I don't understand what I'm getting paid back for , lady.

GJT said...

Oh my. I have so many things I want to say in response to this SPOT ON post, but I'll try to edit myself. My mom had twins (one of which was me) and my younger brother 14 months later. So she believes she was Super Mom. Yet, she will also reply to my rants with a hearty "yeah, I know what you're going through...I had all three of you going thru it at the same time." To which I want to counter with a gigantic F-you! But that's not helpful. It's HER ego that needs that pat on the back. I feel our moms WANT that badge of courage, as they should. And we want it too. I feel lately like I'm dealing with PTSD. You're NOT the only mom who wants to run away (I think about it every time I get in the car by myself), but you also deserve the right to feel the way YOU do about YOUR situation.

Rosann said...

Oh how I agree! My mom is pretty good about not interfering and offers encouragement when she knows I need it.

My mother in law however...whenever my children are struggling through a phase or are otherwise misbehaving, she has to comment about how perfect her boys were and how they didn't give her troubles at all. She was never challenged with motherhood. I don't know...maybe that's the difference from raising boys and raising girls?

Yes, my little girls are full of drama and are high maintenance. But they are also really good kids. So what if I'm struggling to get my little one potty trained. So what if they get all emotional and have major meltdowns when they are tired. So what if they pout from time to time. They're kids!

Ok, my venting is done. :)

Blessings,
Rosann
http://www.christiansupermom.com/

RoryBore said...

well, you know my thoughts...

I get the sense sometimes that our mothers want a pat on the back from us -- now that we are also mothers. some kind of reassurance or affirmation that they did an okay job. and admitting that there may have been rough, tough or hellish parts of raising us, is akin to admitting that they might not have done a great job.
my mom didn't like the fact that my 4 year old pitched an epic tantrum...she liked how I handled it even less. "you should have just hugged here until it passed." WTF?
I suspect, since I have very clear memories of a wooden spoon used Outside the kitchen, that is what she wishes SHE had done.
I guess she wants me to learn from her mistakes....but the thing is, I have to be allowed to make them first. And just as i do with my child....corrected with love.

Supriya said...

I see...so its the sams tory all around the world :-) mmm.. I am quite new at blogging and being an Indian mum, might not be as good as you ladies at English convo but I hope you ladies accept me here :-) I'm a work from home mum of a 4+ girl. Should I say its good to hear that this is a parenting phase that all have to cross...kids tantrums, parenting pains and efforts and how elders instruct, comment and take it for granted :-)but my li'll one made me learn tantrums to handle her without really caring much about who feels what.. I should know I am leading her right !!

Supriya.

Lori Zambito said...

Good post. I have thought about this subject a lot. I also think it's a mother's right of passage to act like she was better at everything than her daughter (well some mothers). It's not only complaining, it's talking. They didn't do a lot of that back them either!

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