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Monday, September 19, 2011

Mommy Tantrum

Okay. This isn't going to be a long post. In fact, this isn't really a post.

This my friends, is a CRY FOR HELP!!

I'm throwing my hands in the air! I'm done. I can't do it anymore.
I CANNOT deal with the tantrums and fits of an (almost) 4 year old.
I'm tired of screaming. I'm tired of fighting. I'm just really tired.

I try to be patient, I try to stay calm. I try not to yell..
I do!
I try, but I fail. I fail miserably.

And then I feel bad. I hate that I yell. I hate that I get mad, but honestly, that child can raise my blood pressure to levels I never knew possible.

I know all the basics. She's tired. She's testing me. Never give in. Never let her win. Walk away. Time out..
Gracie isn't BAD. Not at all. She is just very strong willed. She knows what she wants and what she doesn't want, and no one is going to tell her different. She wants her own way, and she'll throw fits until... well,, I don't even know when because she never ends up getting it...
She knows how to play me, and she does it well.
It's like she wants me to yell at her...

I went to Chapters this morning and bought two new books. I'll give you an update on them later. For now though, i'm asking all of you for help. Suggestions? Anything!!

How do you deal with your toddler/preschooler and their tempers/ tantrums/ fits/ attitude??

I'm open to anything right now. I'm begging all of you for help.
I'm open to book suggestions too..
Maybe a book on how to be patient?? Wine isn't even doing the trick these days...

Someone? Anyone? PLEASE HELP!!!


Me 2 U said...

I share your pain.....I ask my little one "Do you like when I yell at you?" She says NO. Then why do you keep doing the same things over and over again? Are your ears BROKEN? Are you trying to see if Mummy's head will explode? We live in a bungalow with NO finished basement, there is nowhere to go to get get away to take a couple minutes EVER!
I went to the doctor a couple months ago and said to her that I need help that I seem to have zero patience that I don't want to yell at the little one. She gave me a little questionnaire to fill out and now I have some pills to help. I do feel better....I think I yell less, I hope that the little one feels it too. I still need help on the raining her in.....stop pushing my buttons.
I am interested to see if anyone can help. I need it too

Shell said...

Boarding school for three year olds.

Oh wait, that isn't real?

A drink?

I don't know. I actually opened your post and then had to pause to scream at mine.

Sadie said...

We have graduated to ignoring tantrums at our house. I mean it too! Literally, either of the girls can be screaming, throwing themselves on the floor, and pounding/kicking with all their might and this is exactly the point that we start ignoring. Each time they "come up for air" we ask if they are reading to talk/do what we ask/etc and if not we continue to ignore. I just don't have the energy to feed into this miserable behaviour. On another note, on "The Doctors" today one of them told a story about a patient who carries a sign in her diaper bag that she pulls out when tantrums happen in public. One side said, "Please excuse the disturbance..." and the other "...a temper tantrum in progress!" LOL. Not only would I chuckle if I saw a mom with this, but I probably stop and chat! Good luck.

Amanda said...

I really don't know what to tell you because my baby is not even 3 months old but I know from experience with my neice that sometimes nothing works and they don't like us to get mad but they don't want to listen either. But I have learned that the madder I get the more she acts out but if I manges to stay calm I can sometimes get through to her. I feel really bad when I raise my voice at her but sometimes I really don't know what else to do. On the other hand Jamie never has to raise hi voice at Justin EVER!! He only has to look at him and that is it, end of whatever is going on. I hope that will work with our baby girl when she gets older but I don't know about that!!! I wish you all the best and no matter what remember you are only human and it is normal to explode at times but also remember you are a fantastic mom is loved very much by her girls!!!!

Amanda said...

I really should proof read the next time, excuse the mistakes in that

RoryBore said...

there's a saying:

it is an amazing turn of events that when trying to reason with a 4 year often ends up acting like a 4 year old.

I know it's true, because I have been there too. Ugh, parenting by volume... don't know why I return when it clearly doesn't work!

But Like Sadie said above - I ignore those fits now. The time to separate you and the child is As Soon As it Starts. Don't try to reason, don't listen to their reasons -- and goodness, don't let them start to bargain. just walk away. I send mine to their rooms to "find their happy face." Then they can come out to talk to me about whatever was happening. If I was being unfair or unreasonable - I own up to it. But if it just outright stubborness or defiance, there's a consequence.

My son recently learned a hard lesson in consequences when he (at almost 7 yrs - 7 for goodness sakes) had an all out public fit. He now has a very clean bedroom that only contains furniture and his clothes. Every toy is gone. I only left him books. He was also banned from computer and TV -- but has since earned those back for time served and good behaviour.
And you know what? he didn't argue, he didn't bargain, he didn't even fuss.....he knew mama had reached her limit and was serious. A friend's bday party was next on the chopping block and he KNEW I'd prevent him from going. He hasn't even asked for his toys back and it's going on 2 weeks now.

When they are upset, I always try to validate their feelings. They are kids afterall and sometimes their emotions get the better of them. But they absolutely must learn to express those emotions in a suitable manner. That's a big step. Then, Ya gotta find their currency. Believe me -- they have one. Once you find it - they'll listen.
Hope things get better!

Caffeinated OC Mommy said...

Hello Sarah Darling,

It works like this... keep doing what you are doing, reinforce the rules, tell her you love her (I know you already do this), and keep moving forward. When you no longer can take it and can't stand it anymore (your post), all of a sudden... poof... it's gone.

It's a phase, just like anything else. Hang in there and instead of wine, try bourbon my Dear! Blowing kisses... xoxo

Mommy2¢ said...

Just do what I do with my son...tell her that she's hurting your heart by how bad she's acting and that if she doesn't straighten up quick you'll have to call an ambulance to come get you and take you to the hospital with broken heart. If you have to, hunch over and grab your chest like you're having major heart pain. That'll get her attention! Don't judge!...I know it's horrible, but it works for me (with my son)! ;) I plan on riding this train as long as I can.

On the other hand, when I tried it with my daughter she just laughed and stuck her butt in my face and farted when I was all hunched over in "heart pain". She didn’t buy it; but with my son it a hook-line-and sinker!

Best of luck with your frustrations! You're not alone.

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