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Saturday, September 17, 2011

SATURDAY FAV.....The Spit Up Chronicles

I read this post a couple of weeks ago, but never got the chance to share it with all of you.

Reading it stirred up a lot of old emotions and feelings. It really hit home.

The main reason that I started this site was to help other mommies know that they're not alone on this crazy journey.
I want mommies to know that it's OKAY not to be (what you think is) perfect..
Being a mommy is tough, being a mommy with PPD is even tougher..

Please hop over to visit this awesome site when you're done reading the post. I know that you'll all love Jessica over at THE SPIT UP CHRONICLES..
I wish that I could have been as brave as her when i became a new mommy.

I was too afraid, too proud to ask for help.. I wish that I could have read something like this at the time.
I didn't have a severe case, but I had some serious baby blues.. It wasn't fun. It was very lonely!

Enjoy, and please pass on to anyone you think may need to read this..


I repeated it over and over.


I couldn't force my mind to grasp what it meant.

I went home and looked up the definition.

Postpartum Depression: A form of sever depression after delivery that requires treatment. It is sometimes said that PPD occurs 4 weeks after delivery but it can happen a few days or even months after childbirth. A woman with PPD may have feelings similiar to the baby blues-- sadness, despair, anxiety, irritability-- but she feels them much more strongly than she does with the baby blues. PPD often keeps her from doing the things she needs to do every day. 

I have PPD.

Had PPD? Do you ever really lose it?

I had the baby blues with B. I knew it, T knew it, everyone knew it. I loved B, adored B {and still do--fyi} but it was difficult.

So I was prepared to feel those same feelings when I had C. I actually didnt feel ANYTHING other than love and complete adoration for him. Until I hit the three month mark.

When he was 12 weeks old, I woke up one morning to him crying. I was irritated that he wouldn't stop. I got so mad, SO mad--I closed the door to his room and layed back down.

Dont judge me.

Almost immediately I felt horrible for what I did and walked in to pick up my crying baby and cried right along with him.

I figured it was just the exhaustion that caused me to be so irrational.

Things got slowly worse.

I didnt want to get out of bed at all. My house became a disaster {and if you know me, you know Im OCD about cleaning}. I was allowing the TV to be on in B's room at all times and not engaging with either of my kids for longer than a minute or two before becoming irritable.

I had horrible thoughts and feelings.

I felt like I was trapped inside my house with two kids, and I couldn't get out. I was ashamed of myself. I barely talked to T. I slept on the couch every night so he wouldn't touch me. I cried every day almost all day.

But still didn't think there was anything seriously wrong with me, making me feel this way.

I finally opened up to my mom, when she came over and forced it out of me. She's a nurse and deals with these things all the time.

I began talking with C's pediatrician about how I was feeling and she was able to prescribe me some medicine.

I remember about a week after I began taking the pills--I woke up one morning and jumped out of bed. I took a shower, made breakfast for the boys, started a load of laundry and made my bed. All before the kids were up.

This was the old Jessica. This is the me I thought I lost.

I struggled for two months before getting help. I feel like this is SUCH a huge problem for moms out there. I never thought PPD would hit me with my second pregnancy but the reality is--it can be your 10th pregnancy {Im talking to you, duggar wannabe} and you get a big ol PPD slap in the face.

Its ok to ask for help. Its not a sign of weakness.

Going to someone saved my marriage, my friendships, my family, and made me fall back in love with the three boys I adore most in this world.

I had to learn the hard way that it doesn't make me a bad mom to go on medicine to help me. I am still a good mom, in fact Im a damn GREAT mom. 


Jessica said...

Thank you so much for sharing my story!! Im hoping it helps other mamas who went through the same thing I did!

Angela said...

Thanks for sharing this! It definitely stirs up a lot of feelings. So much can be related to. I think every mother experiences a bit of BB....Some days it is hard to differentiate between the BB and PPD. It really helps that other moms are willing to talk about it and share their stories.

NotSoSilentMommy said...

No Jessica, THANK YOU!!! I'm sure that there are many women who will benefit from this post..
Angela, so true.. I still have days that I think I have the baby blues. and my "baby" is almost 2!!! lol

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