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Wednesday, September 7, 2011

WHAT IF....

I'm not going to lie... All of the back to school posts are driving me crazy..

Enough already!!!

I want the good stuff back.
The gossip, the husband hate, the pulling my hair out, psycho mommy posts!!
Where have you ladies gone??!!!

I've been thinking these thoughts for that last few weeks......., and then tonight came.

The night before I take my baby to "real" school, for the first time.

The thoughts started flowing.......

How do I walk such an innocent little human being into the BIG BAD WORLD of a school.

I have so many thoughts, concerns, fears. I feel nauseous even writing this.

She's my baby. My first born.

How do I put her into someone else's hands? How do I walk away?

What if she NEEDS me?

What if she's bad?

What if she can't wipe her own bum?

What if she can't do up her coat?

What if she doesn't understand something?

What if kids don't like her?

What if she NEEDS me?

What if she's mean?

What if kids laugh at her?

What if she needs help and is too afraid to ask?

What if she feels scared?

What if she cries?

What if she needs me?

What if she misses her sister?

What if she's not as smart as the other kids?

What if she says something and the teacher calls children's aid on me? (for real though?)


What if she's just not ready?

What if she gets into trouble?

What if she NEEDS me?

What if the teacher says something bad about her?

What if it's all just too much?

What if she gets frustrated?

What if she gets mad?

What if she misses me?

What if she NEEDS me?

Honestly, these What if's have been keeping me awake at night.
Especially the What if she NEEDS ME?

I don't want her to ever lose that feeling of Needing Mommy. 
I love that she still truly believes that she needs me.
I love that I truly believe she needs me.

And now.. I realize my biggest fear.

What if SHE DOESN'T MISS ME?
What if SHE DOESN'T NEED ME?

Oh God, What if she doesn't NEED ME???

How am I ever going to get through this??

Special thanks to Shell, as always, for letting me "POUR MY HEART OUT"

XO

11 comments:

Anastasia said...

Oh I hear you! It breaks my heart just thinking about it.

blueviolet said...

You wait and you'll see the biggest, widest, best grin ever when she sees your face after school. She needs you forever.

Lisa said...

This is why I made myself a tradition of always taking the first day of school off work, that way I know I'm available and close if needed. I'm glad I did last year , because the school called me (at 12:15, mind you!!) and asked why Angela wasn't at school. I almost had a heart attack! There was a glitch in the computer attendance system & instead of someone walking to her classroom and looking for her, they chose to kill me instead.
Oh yeah - she was in 8th grade!!

Shell said...

I rolled my eyes at all the moms worried about their kids going to school. B/c I thought I wanted the peace and quiet.

Until it was my turn to send my kids off... and then I panicked, like you!

It will be just fine, mama.

Small Kucing said...

"What if" are the two saddest word in english , I think. I will be using that too when it's my turn to send him to school

Stacey (McD) White said...

I completely know what you mean!! I had to drop Maelle (my 1 year old) off for daycare yesterday for the first time. My heart broke!!!!

Mrs.Moose said...

Sar,
You are going to put yourself in the looney bin! She will be fine. She will have good days and bad days just like we do. Our hearts will break for them when they have bad days, but when they come home and get a great big hug from Mom or Dad, they know you are there for them when they NEED you.

Heather said...

They always need you even when they act like they don't. Sometimes they just need to let go a little. Good luck to you both!

Stopping by from Shell's

Jenna said...

Three of my four have gone through the first day.. I know this feeling well. *HUG*

therealhousewifeofoxfordcounty said...

HUG!!! Yesterday was horrible for me.. I cried, He did not, I was scared , so was he, He was brave I was not... It is crazy but when I watched my little toad jump down the stairs of the bus and scream I didn't want to come home... I was happy but also soo sad what if he likes his teacher more then me?? ha ha or school more then home? God I am glad you think the same way I do.. Good Luck today .. she will rock it!!!

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