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Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Loving what is

 I'm going to let you in on a little secret... Just in case you haven't noticed.....

I'm stressed!!!!

Like, to the max. I've got a lot ( A LOT) of stuff going on in my life, and I have been feeling like "it's" slowly suffocating me.

I don't hide this. What's the point?? I may as well let you all suffer with me, rather than suffer alone, right??!

Seriously though. I was really REALLY stressing on the weekend.
I decided to close my computer, and sit down with a Healthy Directions Magazine. I had about 5 to choose from, but grabbed the one that had a kid on the front..
What I found in that magazine (which I don't believe for a second was just "chance") is something that has "saved" me.
This one simple article really was life changing for me.
I was meant to read it the other day, and I'm so happy that I did.

Because it was so good, I am sharing it with all of you. If it can help even one person, the way it has helped me, than it's worth posting..

I hope that someone else gets as much from it as I did!!!

Here we go:

                                  ~BYRON KATIE

~The only time we suffer is when we believe a thought that argues with what is. When the mind is perfectly clear, what is, is what we want. If you want reality to be different than it is, you might as well try to teach a cat to bark. You can try and try, and in the end the cat will look up at you and say, "MEOW". Wanting reality to be different than it is, is hopeless..

And yet, if you pay attention, you'll notice that you think thoughts like this dozens of times a day. "People should be kinder." "Children should be well behaved."
"My husband (or wife) should agree with me." "I should be thinner (or prettier, or more successful)."
These thoughts are ways of wanting reality to be different than it is. If you think that this sounds depressing, you're right. All the stress that we feel is caused by arguing with what is.

People often say to me, "But it would be dis-empowering to stop my argument with reality. If I simply accept reality, I'll become passive. I may even lose the desire to act." I answer them with a question: Which is more empowering? - "I wish I hadn't lost my job" or "I lost my job; what can I do now?"

No one wants their children to get sick, no one wants to be in a car accident, but when these things happen, how can it be helpful to mentally argue with them? We know better than to do that, yet we do it, because we don't know how to stop.

I am a love of what is, no because I'm a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality. We can know that reality is good just as it is, because when we argue with it, we experience tension and frustration. We don't feel natural or balanced. When we stop opposing reality, action becomes simple, kind, and fearless.


I can find only three kinds of business in the universe: mine, yours, and God's. (For me, the word GOD means "reality". Reality is God because it rules. Anything that is out of my control, your control, and everyone else's control, I call that God's business.)
Much of our stress comes from mentally living out of our own business. When I think, "you need to get a job, I want you to be happy, you should be on time, you need to take better care of yourself, you shouldn't feel that way," I am in your business. When I'm worried about earthquakes, floods, war, or when I will die, I am in God's business. If I am mentally in your business or in God's business, the effect is separation. I noticed this early in 1986. When i mentally went into my mother's business, for example, with a thought like "My mother should understand me," I immediately experienced a feeling of loneliness. And I realized that every time in my life that I had felt hurt, or lonely, I had been in someone else's business.

If you are living your life and I am mentally living your life, who is here living mine? We're both over there. Being mentally in your business keeps me from being present in my own. I am separate from myself, wondering why my life doesn't work.
To think that I know what's best for anyone else is to be out of my own business. Even in the name of love, it is pure arrogance, and the result is tension, anxiety and fear. Do I know what's right for myself? That is my only business. Let me work with that before I try to solve your problems for you.

If you understand  the three kinds of business enough to stay in your own business, it could free your life in a way that you can't even imagine. The next time you're feeling stress or discomfort, ask yourself whose business you are in mentally, and you may burst out laughing. That question can bring you back to yourself. And you may come to see that you've never really been present, that you've been mentally living in other people's business all your life. Just to notice that you're in someone else's business can bring you back to your own mindful self.

Good, eh?!!

What do all of you do, to stop stress from getting the best of you??


Lara Davis Barnett said...

Thanks so much for sharing this! I get hit by the, 'I should be more successful' lie all too often. Last time it stuck I got off the couch and did something about it.

Amanda said...

Wow Sarah, thank you so much for sharing this with us. It is really a eye opener!!! And I do think it is 100% right but I know even though I have read it and understood what it said before I hit the pillow tonight I will still be stressed about wonder why that is, I have often read something or listened to something that made me go wow and I have understood it and thought you know what I am going to do that from now on because I don't even know why I do the things I do but then I am right back at whatever it was I was doing in the first place. I guess it is just human nature!!! I will never understand me or why I sometimes do the things I do so I don't expect anyone else too!!! Loved the post though and it made sense!!!

RoryBore said...

Thank you, thank you...this proves what I always suspected: I got too many people up in my business.

while their own life flounders along haphazerdly. yet they still feel the need to tell my how or what needs fixin in mine!

Oh, this will be forwarded. trust.

Caffeinated OC Mommy said...

Hello Sarah Darling,
I have a shortened version of this topic... ready?


But I do like the business part... it makes for a clearer understanding than my shortened version.

Now, how do I like to relive stress? A new shade of lipstick and a tall glass of Eagle Rare! lol Blowing Kisses my Dear Friend... xoxo

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